Where I am at in my Faith

1. Mystery-  Sometimes I think about what church I belong to and none seem to fit me.  So then I try to make up with names of churches that I would go to.  My latest name has been "The church of mystery." I am in awe of the mystery of God so much that I often don't want to think about God at all, because then it just pisses me off and I start to think of church as a gathering together each week to crack the code, when it can't be cracked, so I feel like just letting God be a giant mystery.  Plus it irks me to no end to hear people talk for God as if they do know what God is like.  The one honest thing you can say about the Creator is that no one truly understands God.

2. Love- When I get sad about my faith, thinking I have none, I often think of my "born again conversion" to Christianity.  I think, "that changed my life, I can't just not believe."  But I have come to realize that the epiphany wasn't about Christianity, it was about Love.  Profound Love that I still worship on a daily basis.  Love that exists even when I have trouble believing in anything else.  Love that makes me think, even if at this moment I can't wrap my head around "Jesus," I can wrap my head around the fact that Profound Love is so real that if I personally needed a Jesus to save me, Love would have provide it and may have. 

3. Death- One struggle I have in my faith is the idea of heaven and hell.  I don't really believe in them, so it makes Jesus' purpose almost irrelevant.  So the other day I was sitting there thinking if there is no heaven and hell then the body just dies and becomes earth.  And then I was thinking of how the earth is God and how we then become one with God and it struck me dumb.  I might not believe in a reuniting of souls, but I do believe in a reuniting with the mystery and that is amazing to me.

4. Acceptance- I understand how some people cannot accept others.  When you are taught something from a young age it is hard to break.  And I understand people who feel like they have to be against something so that they can deal with trauma that happened to them.  Yet, I hope everyone will one day come to realize that not accepting someone the way that God created them is not accepting God and/or trusting that God knows what She's doing.