End of October

Weekends have been busy here.  Two weeks ago we went to Spook Cave for Paula's birthday.  It was a nice night and I got to catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a while.  One disappointing event was when I went to check on Link at the bouncy house he was sitting at the entrance, slapping Jarret continuously as Jarret entered the bouncy house.  It was the first time I ever saw Link fighting, where he was actual intentional in hurting another.  We left shortly after.

On Sunday I played in the bell choir at Peace Church and then we went to the Norwegian dinner where I proved to myself that my diabetes meter doesn't always read low, I just have a pretty good diet keeping it down.  I blew myself off the chart with a 230 reading. 

Tuesday was a super busy day.  I met the other midwife, Katy, attended a work conference in Postville, went to pick up Link who was having a playdate at Summit's house after Kinderhaus, and then I went to my first parent teacher conference.  The teachers were very positive about Link, saying he often plays by himself (but not in a concerning way), but then wanders over to other kids and plays with them.  They said he was very inventive, including making up new songs and new ways of sewing.  I have noticed a new love in spelling and making words.  He loves to write "I Heart U Mama" or things like that.  He also loves to say from the backseat of the car while we drive things like "What does A-n-g-r-y Space B-i-r-d-s spell?"  Whatever he is looking at.  He is getting more interested in the baby and really hopes it is a girl.  If it is a boy, he has to be named Lincoln Oliver Durbin.

Wednesday afterschool we did special effects make up.  The kids had a blast getting all bloody and bruised.

Brian and I set up shop at the Turkey River Mall.  It is on the third floor so getting stuff up and down there is a little hard to do, but I am excited to have a shop again.

  

Links vocabulary

Funny words Link mixes up:

Dr. Shorts instead of dr. Schwartz

Snotrils instead of nostrils

Amazes instead of mazes

New words that are just fun to hear Link say.

Not always right but showing expansion in vocabulary:

Perhaps

Suddenly

Presume (sometimes mixed up with preserve)

Nothing Instep

This morning I looked at my calendar and saw something I hadn't seen in a very long time.  Nothing.  So I thought about what was on my to do list and returning items from whimsy market to vendors came to the top.  I have had these boxes in my car for over a month.  So I made a trip to Dubuque and made a day of it.

One thing I really needed to do was buy some shoes.  All summer I have been wearing Teva sandals and Mary Janes which now have holes in them so I needed something for colder winter and more close toed.  Nothing in my closet fits and after three returns to zappos, I figured I better go to a shoe store so I can try on lots at one time.  Well guess what?  Hardly anything fits.  

Did this pregnancy make my feet longer?  Nope, my toes still only reach to a size 8.  Did this pregnancy make my feet wider?  Nope, I still take a medium width. So what did this pregnancy do to my feet that makes them unshoeable?  My instep has gotten bigger.  If you don't know what an instep is, it is the slope of the top of your foot from toes to ankle.  And if you have a high instep you can't even get your toes down far enough in the shoe to get them on.  I can't even get on a size ten toms or a pair of clogs.  I didn't notice this summer because both my summer shoes have large openings at the instep.  Dear lord, I hope this isn't a permanent change.  What I found out today was that the options for women with high insteps are Mary Janes with long buckle bands, cowboy boots and men's shoes.  That's it.  I ended up buying a pair of boots, but I'm very discouraged.  So I also bought myself a new dress from the dress barn that wasn't on the sale rack.  Take that clothing makers.  Or, I guess, take that credit card.  Whoops.  

Strange dreams indeed

Cheri has been sharing with me some funny dreams she has had lately.  Now I am starting.  Last night I combined three different dreams.

1.  My ever re-occuring dream is this: It is my last semester and I don't have the right classes and I have anxiety because I need to finish and I can't figure out who I need to talk to or where the class is or something like that.  Last night I was on a large college campus and couldn't find the office I needed to turn my paperwork in to change my class.

2. Work:  On this campus I was in a huge 4-H building that was really cool.  There was a lot of fun going on inside and I was in the elevator trying to find this office, but it wasn't in this building.

3. Losing the baby: I have this dream whenever I am pregnant.  In the dream the baby is already born.  I just misplace him.  Link was the stand in for the baby in this dream.

So when I exit the 4-H building and am crossing the road with my paperwork and Link on my back in the Ergo sleeping, I suddenly realize how light Link is.  Then I freak out realizing he isn't in the Ergo at all.  So I am retracing all my steps looking around for him.  I find him in the 4H building in a giant square aquarium.  He is sitting cross legged on the floor with his eyes open, playing, as if water is not covering him at all.  This is weird for Link who doesn't like to get his head wet.  I knock on the glass and he smiles at me and waves.  I ask him if he is ok and he nods.  I ask him to come out and so he swims up to the top of the tank and he has to slide out this type of air vent.  He slides easily into my arms and happy.

Even though it started hectic, I liked the ending very much.

This Diabetes Thing and Hospital Birthing

Yesterday I was at the clinic from 10 am until 5 pm.  So long that my doctor actually made me a sandwich, since I had fasted prior to coming in.

On Monday I had failed the diabetes test so yesterday I took the 3 hour test.  I failed all of them as well.

I also had an ultrasound and found there definitely is only one little one in there and that baby is right on target with weight.  But I do have a little bit extra fluid which may be why I am measuring big.  They were not too concerned with it though.

Then I had diabetes counseling with a nurse to see how to test my blood and then I meet with a dietitian to see how to curb this issue with diet and exercise.  I did learn a few things.  I drink way too much milk. I didn't realize how much was a whole carb choice.  She went through a whole days meal plan as a goal and it seriously was hardly different than my normal meal plan, besides milk.

So I decided (and my midwife agrees) I should go one step further.  Eliminating most grains and I also am choosing very limited, if any, milk as well.

Well, it is working.  Today I tested my blood at the required times and even after waiting after eating meals I was in the fasting range.  So low that I called my midwife and asked if she thought the meter might be defective.  She thought it might and had me test my blood at the same time on two different meters, but I got the same results.  I hope this continues.  If by just eliminating milk I could be done with diabetes, I would be so happy.

I have had a few crying spells over all this diabetes testing.  For one thing my midwife said if I wasn't in range 75% of the time (probably in the last month or so) then I would not be able to deliver at home.

In all honesty if I gave birth at a hospital and it was like last time where my midwife was able to have a lot of say and was there the whole time, I would be totally fine.  Especially if they didn't hook me up to anything and allowed me to move around and go home early and all that stuff that made my hospital birth with Link such a good experience.  But that is not a guarantee.  Not like the guarantee of doing a home birth with my chosen birth team and having all those wishes not only voiced, but cherished.

The other thing I would hate about not having a home birth is dealing with nay-sayers.  I know that for some people me going to the hospital during my first home birth and still being a big home birth fan is inspiring to them, but to others it just seems ridiculous.  And to have to face those people a second time would be hard for me.  They make you feel so small for not believing what the modern majority is thinking.

And the third thing I struggle with is trusting my body.  I've only gotten pregnant using medication, except for once and my body didn't carry that baby full term.  So, I don't trust I can get pregnant on my own.  I didn't start labor on my own.  My body was totally fine with just carrying Link on and on until I took required herbs to induce.  So, I don't trust my body to start labor.  I never felt the urge to push and felt no difference in pushing Link out at the end of labor than I had in the beginning.  So, I don't trust my body to know what to do in labor.  And now I add to my list of body disappointments, but inability to control blood sugars.

So we shall see.

Pregnany Changes

This pregnancy has been totally different on my body.  I feel like there is a lot more movement that with Link, but I can't exactly remember.  I am measuring way over so I have to go in for a gestational diabetes test.  Brenda said it could be this or a fibroid feeding off hormones or multiples.  I asked if missing another baby during an ultrasound was possible and she said it was.  This slightly scares me because I was reading through my hospital record and Dr. Schwartz did put down he got two heart beat readings the first time, but didn't say anything the second time.  Is it sad to say that I am praying for diabetes?  or better yet a fibroid? 

I am also having to go to the chiropractor much more frequently.  I am getting a small amount of actual cash for health insurance with my job at the Extension so I am applying them this way.  My lower back is always in pain, especially my left hip which never seems to stay put.  And I have a lot of pain along my public bone.  It feels almost bruised.  I told my midwife and she told me some moms have had the cartilage tear away from the bone and had to use a walker for several weeks after giving birth.  This scares me.  I had my chiropractor adjust the bone (embarrassing) but there didn't seem to be much change.  I am not sure what it is.

I am very much in nesting mode, but also very busy with work and family schedules.  So when I have any down time I start really big projects.  I decided to paint our stairwell.  I cleaned the entire house.  I put up shutters outside the house.  I put the sink in Link's play kitchen.  I finished Amber's wedding photo album.  I cook from 100 days a Real Food.

Our food change is still doing really well.  I am figuring out the co-op shopping nicely and am comparing prices with the blogs list to see where I can make adjustments.  My latest find that I am very excited about is milk.  I love milk so the likelihood of me ever giving it up are slim.  But organic milk is crazy expensive.  Around $6.50 a gallon.  But yesterday I noticed the local dairy that was recently started in Waukon, WW Homestead.  Their milk is non-homogenized so you have to really shake it before you drink it, but then it tastes exactly the same.  It doesn't have the organic label, but because of Farm to School I know they practice organic methods (maybe even better than some of the farmers with the organic label that I don't personally know) and their milk is around $2.50.