Birth of our Seond Child- A miscarriage

I've been looking around the internet for stories of miscarriage bu not finding any.  Instead I find extreme ignorance and rude remarks like people thinking women are lying because they saw the baby at a few weeks or the stupidity in hospitals treating babies under 20 weeks as medical waste.   So I guess not sharing makes sense, it is a hard thing to go through, but reading others stories and sharing mine is how I process and move on so I don't mind.

As I reported already I was spotting throughout the pregnancy and my midwife told me that it could be a miscarriage in process.  I went on a roller coaster ride of not believing her.  For instance I didn't buy more prenatals though I was running out in case I didn't need them, but I shared the news right away that we were having a baby because last time pregnancy went so smoothly.

On Saturday evening around four I started spotting again but it didn't stop.  Link was in the bathroom with me and said "Did you pee your pant's mama?"  I told him no but started to cry.  He gave me a hug and kiss and tried tickling me to feel better.  I told him the baby in my belly was not doing well and he kissed my belly. 

I called Brenda, my midwife right away.  She told me to lie down, eat warm soup, drink lots.  She and Moira (midwife #2) called me periodically to check on me telling me they were holding me in prayer and to see how I was doing.  I was getting progressively heavier, but there were no signs of cramping or neausea so I was still presuading myself that it wasn't happening.  I put my hands down on my uterus.  I asked the baby to kick like it had just seven days early (a big hearty one at the top of my uterus).  Nothing.  In fact I noticed something that I had been noticing a little bit over the last few days, the life energy that I had felt early was not there.  I think some pregnant women know what I mean and Bryce does too.  When the baby was alive it almost felt like I could feel it's heart beat and once I asked Bryce to put his hands on my uterus and see if he knew what I meant.  He did and said "Well, I can't feel the heart beat but there is something like a vibration there." 

I didn't sleep.  Early in the morning I passed a 2 inch blood clot.  I told Bryce to call Brenda.  She had me save it and asked if I was light headed and to keep drinking.  Around 5 I had Bryce all my mom and she and Amber came and picked up Lincoln.  At around 6 I lost a blood clot the size of a baseball.  As I was sitting on the toilet with Bryce in front of me I felt my vision and hearing going and told Bryce I was going to faint.  He caught me and the next thing I knew Bryce had put me on the floor with my feet up on the toilet.  Bryce had called Brenda and she walked him through the process.  She also said it might be a good time to call our family doctor and get his opinion.  One of the greatest things about our midwives is they can help you so much and they know exactly when they are at a point that might go beyond their skill set (like blood transfusion, etc.)  One of the greatest things I love about our family doctor (also the doctor who helped Link be born) is that he trust my midwives so much and likes to avoid any unnecessary medical procedures out of the way.  Bryce called him and after asking things like my color and fluids, etc, he said "No, don't bring her in."  He knew that there may be a routine d&c which was not going to be necessary and that the miscarriage was completing itself as many do. 

After I got back to bed I started having mild contractions.  Everyone thought with such a big blood clot passed that I most likely had the baby so this was a good sign that my uterus was clamping down.  I wanted Link back to nurse as I know that right after birth a nursing baby can help with this.  I continued until about 10:15.  When I went to the bathroom another blood clot left, this time falling in the toilet with a littlle bit of a heavy sound.  It was hard to see in the darkness of the blood at the bottom of the toilet but my heart was telling me that the baby was there.  We found a utencil to help bring the clot up and there was the baby still in the sack with umbilical cord and everything.  Though translucent skin showed the brain, heart, and eye I thought our little one was so beautiful.  Bryce placed the baby in a plastic bag and in the fridge.  We were hoping to later find out a gender, but we never did.  On Tuesday we buried the baby in our yard and planted bulbs above the little one.  Hopefully they come out in spring, maybe May, right when our little one was to appear.

On Monday we went to the hospital.  Our doctor was thinking I might need another rhogam shot. We were not able to get to see our doctor, but another one at the clinic and although nice he made me feel uneasy.  He checked me and said my cervix was closing which is good.  But he didn't know if I needed a rhogam shot, called the ob on call and decided not to.  Then he had us take an antibody test to see if I am RH sensitive and went on to describe the horrors this will be if we are.  We are waiting on the results this morning.  It is a 1% chance, but if we are according to this doctor all our future pregnancies will be super high risk, needing blood transfusions for the baby throughout the pregnancy and possibly delivering at Mayo in Rochester.  Still birth and miscarriage, and incredibly sick kids are all on the docket because my blood may have developed an antibody to fight off any baby with a positive blood type and being that 85% of the US population is positive this is most likely what I will have.