Life didn't happen

I had a miscarriage this morning. 

First Midwife's Visit = First Doctor's Visit

My midwife Brenda came for a visit yesterday.  It was good to talk about all the small things I have been thinking about this pregnancy as well as the big.  One big thing is the reason that I didn't think I was pregnant that is still present, blood.  Brenda was kind, but told me what need to be said.  Either I am having a miscarriage and in that case, there is nothing you can do or I am not.  She "perscribed" me 800 i.u. of Vit E to help with embedding in case that is one of the reasons I am losing blood.  She also had me call my hospital ob for a rhogam shot since I am RH-.  I called this morning and was immediately asked to come in so that occupied my day today.

I am currently setting up a way to work my AmeriCorps job from home.  I feel like it can very much be done, but I am afraid of upsetting the people I work with who I have a good relationship with.  My boss is great and so are my co-workers.  I am excited to see Link more.  Already I am noticing things I didn't see him do yet because I usually spend only 4-5 hours a day with him.  Like how he goes and gets a child's chair to wash his hands and new words he says like "really tasty."  I also noticed that somebody took him to a fast food place without my knowledge because when we stopped by one after the hospital visit he kept crying to me for a sip of his shake and I don't get shakes.

Short stuff

• For the past several months, Link has been calling me "Superdad". Lately, at times, it sounds more like "Soup Dad".

• One day all Link's toys who are people were in a teary mood. Crying cowboy, crying Batman, crying Abraham Lincoln...

• A frequent conversation between Link and any number of his toys goes like this: "That one?" "No, that one." "That one?" "Yeah, that one."

• Instead of "excuse me", Link says "goom-see" (always at appropriate times, though - very politely).

Boys' Names

We have a girl's name picked out.  Carrying it over from the last pregnancy.  However we used our boy name and we are having problems picking another.  Not that it will influence anything, but I was wondering your thoughts.  If you want to leave a comment saying which name you like and why we would dig that.  Please keep your comments to yourself if you think one is weird or you don't like it.  If we do end up naming our child that we will always think of the comment you made and never let you touch him.  So here it goes:
Simon
Ikarus
Jasper
Miro
Vincent
Briar
Miles
Graham
Elliot

So Life Happened

So life happened, a lot over the last two months.  I started working at the Extension Office in Prairie du Chien as part of AmeriCorps VISTA.  The job is full time and very self motivated.  It was a little hard to get into the flow that I had goals that I had to make and deadlines I had to make, etc, but I rather enjoy it and can see how this job will help polish my skills that carry into running my own business.  I also opened up a shop in Elkader called Whimsy Market.  It is a retail store of all kinds.  We have furniture, gifts, clothes, cloth diapers, kitchenwares, etc.  So far people love it and we have been doing tremendously.  I'm not sure how much of it is "new store in town" mentality, but people keep leaving saying "I need to bring my sister, aunt, brother, etc in" so we feel positive about it.
I am also in the musical at the Elkader Opera House.  We are doing working.  Tonight is night three of performance.  We have 7 total.  It is my first time with a name, lines, and singing.  I am getting great comments from the casting directors and feel like I have finally proven myself.  I suck at auditioning so it really took luck to get a position where I can show that I do have some talent.  One of the casting directors told me last night that I stick out during group numbers like a shinning star.  That really made my night.
So then comes the bigger news.  After a few weeks of feeling like my insides was going to explode, having no energy, and having a very irregular period (spotting every couple of days) I convinced myself that I needed to go get checked to see if I had cancer.  I had been talking to my friend whose husband had cancer and is fully recovered.  She said his calf felt tight like it wouldn't release.  I thought that sounded similar to my stomach.  Just to be sure I took a pregnancy test which I thought would of course be negative since I was still bleeding, but there it was in bright blue "PREGNANT."
I am happy, we are all happy, but it a very big surprise.  My AmeriCorps VISTA job is a year long with only 10 days off and must be done the full year (August 16 my end date) in order to get the $6000 loan repayment.  It makes me wonder about continuing the job, but I really like it, the people I work with, the extra income, the creative outlet that I was depressed about before.  I also probably won't be going out for the musical next year, even after getting my break this year.
The positives I am looking at is that in not realizing I was pregnant I am almost through my first trimester and therefore the sickness will probably be gone soon.  Woohoo!  I also am very happy my body figured out how to conceive without meds.  I really wasn't concerned about getting pregnant because I thought for sure I would need to take medication again.  And it is not like we are in a bad place to have another child.  Lots of people have second children when their oldest is 2 or 3.  I just had always planned on 5.  I also am having trouble thinking about Lincoln.  It is hard for me to conceptualize loving any child more than him, but someone told me your heart just grow more with each child, so that is good.
Since I have found out I am pregnant I haven't had any bleeding at all and my doc and midwife said that sometimes it just happens with the second child a little more.  I do have other signs, super similar to my first pregnancy.  I am completely exhausted.  I have terrible baby brain, often forgetting costuming during shows.  I am craving the same foods- noodles with butter and gas station hamburgers- i know gross right.  I am clumsy.  I am sick to my stomach all the time.
Link doesn't realize anything about the baby, but he is probably enjoying the milk coming in.  He will have a new baby cousin next month so he will get to experience having a younger sibling through Diana's eyes for a while before ours comes.
We are all a little sick this week.  Soar throat and upset stomachs.  Link had diarrhea last night and when he went to flush the toilet he said "look mom, chocolate milk poop."