Why I'm Joining Occupy

If I could time travel back to any time period, it wouldn’t be that long of a trip.  I adore the 1960s, in particular the hippie generation.  I feel I understand more of the hippie philosophy than my own parents who lived through the time period.  Ask them what a hippie is and they will tell you about bell-bottoms and marijuana.  Ask me what a hippie is and I will tell you about the rebellion of generation against a structured environment where gender, race, and religion all had roles to play.  The hippie generation broke down walls by visibly caring about all people.  They protested against hatred and violence done to those outside of their circle, made love across party lines, and strived for a world where everyone was accepted, to the point of even creating mini-versions of those worlds through communes. 

I use to get upset with my parents who didn’t participate in the movement to the extent that I would have like to.  An activist at heart I have tried my best to be a hippie in the 21^st century.  I marched against the war in Iraq, spent nights on the street with homeless, visited communes, cared for future generations by helping sustain the earth’s health and even own bell-bottoms. 

I am constantly aware of my generation’s lack of reaction to the country we live in.  Constantly wondering why we are content to go about playing games online rather than volunteering to help others in worse situations or spending time with our children.  I am also constantly aware of movements that spring up.   I suppose I have a fear that someday my children will look back as say to me, “Mom, you were alive when people were protesting this, what was your role?” and my response will be “I wore bell bottoms.”

So that brings me to the current movement in which my generation is finally finding a voice.  Occupy.  For the first few months I ignored Occupy simply because the media made it seem like the movement made no sense.  However I recently started paying more attention and one does not need a briefing on the movement to realize what the movement is about.  I need only look at one protest sign and see that my generation is fighting for our future, to eliminate the gap between rich and poor, to secure a safe retirement, to fight against corporations running a government of the people.  These Occupiers may not be creating communes and lighting up (or maybe they are), but they are protesting, which is one of the most visible ways to create awareness.  It is saying something with your whole body.

Today I am ready to join. I am sorry I am late.

Link lingo

[by Bryce and Shannon]

"I lego sit the red." = "I'm going to sit on this lego box with a red lid."

On seeing a photo of a mermaid- "She has shells on her nurse-some-mores."

Putting a ball under his chin- "I'm a nutcracker."

Link is currently playing hide and seek with Bryce.  He totally picked up saying "Pst" as a hint to where you are and is doing it each time he hides.

Link's current favorite songs are:
Where is thumbkin (aka pumpkin)
The wheels on the bus
If your happy and you know it
Doe a deer

My favorite outfit right now is a snoopy shirt and vest we had in a box that we found a little to late.  It is 18 month and a little short in the sleeves but so cute.

Top Ten- 3rd week November

1. We took link to see Puss in Boots.  He was not familiar with the character but he knew Humpty Dumpty so he was excited about him.  This was the first 3D movie that we have taken Link to in which we bought him a seat and glasses (he was a babe in all the others).  He kept his glasses on until the last 15 minutes.  He did great and Bryce and I really enjoyed the film.  Very funny.

2. We put the Christmas Tree up.  Probably can't tell this far away but we are doing a "Grinch" theme this year.  Link and I made several of the ornaments using Grinch punch outs and stickers.

3. Thanksgiving included great food at Amy and Rex's house and time playing Michael Jackson Experience on the Kinnect.


4. Although it was nice to wear my engagement ring for a week, it is nice to have my wedding ring fixed and back on my finger.

5. Everyone in my family has been anticipating something in the Navigator to rust out.  It finally did and we broke an axel in the process.  Fortunately we were about 3 miles from my parents house going to visit them, so it wasn't a big deal.  Good thing we got that other car last week.

6. A lot of worry this week about my dad, his future, and the dangerous situations he puts himself in.

7. Last year I bought this thing at a garage sale.  A few weeks ago I learned you can cook in them.  So I tried it today.  We had pork chop casserole.  Really good.  No big difference in taste.  It was fun to do though.

8. Slow Death by Rubber Duck  I'm reading this book and I like it as much as I thought I would.  I am already planning ways to help de-pollute myself and my family.  Currently tossing all children's "Flame resistant" pajamas, slowly getting rid of teflon pans, and looking for "fragrance" as an ingredient in products.

9. Last crop of Brussel Sprouts from the garden.  They are tiny (that is a teaspoon) but boy are they big on flavor.  We have harvested them 3 times this year from a total of 4 plants.  I am very happy with the results and it was fun to see how they grow on the stalk.  (Our slow bolt lettuce also just bolted!)

10. Making goals for the new year.

Top Ten- Nov 13

1.  My parents bought us a second car.  I guess they were sick of having to accomidate when I was at work and they wanted Bryce.  It is a 1984 Buick Cavalier.  No cup holders, cruise control, or power windows, but it drives incredibly well, has low gas mileage, low miles, and has good heat and air.

2. Steve's Birthday.  Had an outing with friends on Saturday night.  Went to Steuben for prime rib and out to some bars.  Not as much dancing as the Rasmussens' anniversary, but it was still a lot of fun. 

3. We have a new vendor at Whimsy Market.  Reality Check from Dubuque brought over body jewelry, bead to make your own accesories, hats, gloves, and sunglasses.  They are a custom skateboarding and snowboarding shop and plan to bring over some of those big items in the future.

4. Link is really into his shapes right now.  Everywhere we go he asks for the triangle pizza and he points out any octagon he sees, which of course is usually a stop sign, but he found some without stop on them the other day in a craft store.

5. Schera's Art Gallery opened for a show a couple weeks ago.  Great paintings by Ben Moore of Decorah, a show of newly illustrated record album covers called 33.3, and a few of Bryce's older works as a last minute addition.  There was a fun opening reception and it makes our shop look better than being by a vacant.

6. Tribute to Charles at the Museum Annual Holiday Party.  I love Charles.  He wrote for me at the paper, he volunteered teaching art with me at the elementary, he birthed one of my favorite friends (Leslie Schiller) and now he is preparing for the end of his years as he has terminal cancer (and he is in his 90s I think).  He is still a super active community member walking the streets of Elkader.  I learned a lot about his life as his friends toasted him at the party (he has been President of the Museum in Elkader since he moved here from teaching at Laguna Beach High School).  Amazing life, lots of travel and fun. 

7. I returned to work last Monday which has been pretty good.  I certainly missed my daily drives over the Mississippi River.  The river rejuvenates me and seeing it go through the seasons is so beautiful.  Now that we are entering a time of low temperatures I get to slowly watches as it starts to freeze over. 

8.  Brenda visited this week to see how I was doing and check my iron.  We shared several tears, but it was great to see her.  She is going over to Africa for three months to serve as a midwife.  She is super excited and I am for her too. 

9. Pinterest.com.  Last year I searched the internet over for an online scrapbook.  I was realizing I was no longer tearing from magazines, but saving folders of images online and I didn't want to print them out.  I recently heard about Pinterest and it is exactly what I wanted and it is perfect.

10. John Craig has an art show up at my office.  He is a local Crawford County Wisconsin artist and does some really great collages.  Most people in my generation know him because he did the cover of "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness."  I try to find as many reasons to go down to the mail room that I can just so I can take in more.

More Linkism

Link is really into saying the word "too."  Whatever he is doing he is doing it "too."  Are you reading a book Link?  Yes, I'm reading a book, too.

Link also likes the phrase "It's a kind of..."  Link is that a bird?  Yes, that's a kind of bird.   What are you sitting on Link?  It's a kind of chair.

He also like the SimSims, the Simpsons.

"Excuse me" is morphing from "Goom Zee" to "Scooms Zee" to "Ex Scooms Zee"

11-11-11 Lucky?

 This morning I stepped in a big goppy mess of cat poop.  So I thought it was going to be a bad day.  But then I remember some ubsered article I once read about John Lennon's superstitions and how he stepped in cat poop daily for luck. 

Then today I took Link out for lunch and in a restaurant all to ourselves a former employee of mine from the newspaper walked in.  I was a little nervous because when she left she left abruptly to go work with a competitor and left a nasty note about all my faults as a boss.  She looked at me, pulled up a seat next to me, said hi to Link and then "I have been meaning to tell you this for the past three years but we have never run into one another except in passing.  I felt like I was treated like crap at the newspaper, not by you and Bryce but by the higher up, then I went to work for [other place] and they were exactly the same.  I wanted to say you are an inspiration to me because every time I see you, you're smiling, and I am sure you have been dealt the same crap that I have and you are still smiling while I carry big chips on my shoulder." 

Top Ten Returns

I started this two days before the miscarriage.  I was recapping September and October.  Obviously things have changed dramatically, but I still want to record these past parts of my life, so I left things in.

1.  I was pregnant for 13 weeks.  It was a total surprise.  I loved it and was scared to death of the possibility of raising two little ones.  I was very happy to have conceived without fertility medication.  The loss of our child still hurts but we are gaining strength through the love of family and friends.

2. The after-school program I set up as part of my AmeriCorps VISTA job took off and I was able to start working from home more to help with health during the pregnancy.  Now I'm back into home mode and have no ambition to return to work, despite the fact that I loved the people I worked with, the work I did, and the paychecks.  I just miss being with my family.  I'm not sure what lies ahead for me, even at the end of this week when I am to return.

3.   I was 1 of 8 contestants in the KCTN Pork Cook-Off.  I thought it must because they had few entries, but they said they had 50 or so.  I made bbq pork sushi.  We also had to do a place setting.   I didn't win 1st-3rd prizes, but each participant got 1/5 of a hog which was nice.

4. We finally got our tax return.  Just in time for Christmas shopping.

5. I was in a musical at the Elkader Opera House called Working.  I had a name and lines and singing parts.  I loved it.  It was a lot of work, but tons of fun.

6. My uncle's Lee and Randy asked me to photograph their wedding.  I was so blessed, happy to see them married in the church since I knew Lee was dealing with feeling unloved by God years ago when he first came out to me.  I hope they have a life of happiness.

7. My niece, Ella, was born the day after our babe was.  We have yet to meet her, but we will soon.  My family threw a baby shower a couple of weeks ago.  I was put in charge of games and soon realized I was basically in charge of the day.  I bought this great little owl hat and sleep sack that I intended for our little one, but passed it along. 

8. My sister Amber completed her stay with us.  Landscaping is basically over for the year.  She is making plans for her wedding next year and I love helping her get ready.  I took engagement photos in October.

9.  My vegan family members can excuse themselves from reading this #.  This weekend we went to the deer open house which was a sampling at a locker of what they could do when you process deer there.  It was basically a free pyramid of meat, no sides.  The maple glazes links were amazing.

10. We missed Halloween (which is my absolute favorite holiday) but my mom took Link  trick-or-treating for the first time.  He was the Flash but kept calling himself Lightning McQueen (He must have seen Cars at Grandma's house).  We did enter the pumpkin decorating contest at Osborne Heritage Days again.  Bryce took a prize based on lack of participation by adults.  Link didn't get anything, but still did a great job with his pumpkin.  Bryce's 2nd place pumpkin is the tiny thing beside the mummy, he did it on the way there with a sharpie.

We were at the pork cook-off and Link saw a man wearing a cowboy hat and boots. He said, "Cowboy!" and then, to the man, "hello, partner!" Either he didn't hear Link or didn't want to play along, so there was no response.

Moving On

After a month of telling Link there was a baby in mama's belly and not thinking her understood last night he came up to me and said "Baby in the belly, mama?"  I said no, the the baby had moved on.  "Oh," he said, "baby in your nose?"

As much as I have wanted to move on, it is still almost as hard.  Link's "Big Brother" hat is packed up as well as the maternity clothes, the bleeding has stopped, the baby is returned to earth. 

The results are in, or not

After I wrote my story this morning Bryce told me I had an message on my phone from the hospital.  It was "the other doctor" calling to say that I indeed have antibodies, if I ever got pregnant again to call a specialist immediately, and God Bless.  I am not sure he really understood the devastation this news brought to me and my family.  In one moment several dreams vanished from my life 1) being a surrogate mother  2) completing a live birth at home  3) even the possibility of having more kids.  I am unsure of how willing I would be to go through multiple traumas to have another child.

I lost it.  Bryce called Brenda.

Brenda was optimistic however and told Bryce to help me calm down.  She said she would call my main doctor because she just didn't think that this result was correct.  I had not had any trauma during my first pregnancy that would have caused Link and my blood to mix, and I had gotten the shot immediately after delivery.  Moira also called with the same information and letting me know she has many mom's who don't get the rhogam shot at all, that are RH- and are fine. 

A few hours later I got a call from my main Doctor (Schwartz).  He gave me a gigantic apology for his colleague.  He said that because I had a rhogam shot just 10 days before the antibody check that there would of course be antibodies in the body.  It is like getting a vaccination for something and then checking a day later to see if there was a vaccine in you.  The test should not have been taken for up to three months after I took the rhogam.  So spirits are lifted, except for the fact that I might get the same result in three months.   Let's pray that I do not.

Birth of our Seond Child- A miscarriage

I've been looking around the internet for stories of miscarriage bu not finding any.  Instead I find extreme ignorance and rude remarks like people thinking women are lying because they saw the baby at a few weeks or the stupidity in hospitals treating babies under 20 weeks as medical waste.   So I guess not sharing makes sense, it is a hard thing to go through, but reading others stories and sharing mine is how I process and move on so I don't mind.

As I reported already I was spotting throughout the pregnancy and my midwife told me that it could be a miscarriage in process.  I went on a roller coaster ride of not believing her.  For instance I didn't buy more prenatals though I was running out in case I didn't need them, but I shared the news right away that we were having a baby because last time pregnancy went so smoothly.

On Saturday evening around four I started spotting again but it didn't stop.  Link was in the bathroom with me and said "Did you pee your pant's mama?"  I told him no but started to cry.  He gave me a hug and kiss and tried tickling me to feel better.  I told him the baby in my belly was not doing well and he kissed my belly. 

I called Brenda, my midwife right away.  She told me to lie down, eat warm soup, drink lots.  She and Moira (midwife #2) called me periodically to check on me telling me they were holding me in prayer and to see how I was doing.  I was getting progressively heavier, but there were no signs of cramping or neausea so I was still presuading myself that it wasn't happening.  I put my hands down on my uterus.  I asked the baby to kick like it had just seven days early (a big hearty one at the top of my uterus).  Nothing.  In fact I noticed something that I had been noticing a little bit over the last few days, the life energy that I had felt early was not there.  I think some pregnant women know what I mean and Bryce does too.  When the baby was alive it almost felt like I could feel it's heart beat and once I asked Bryce to put his hands on my uterus and see if he knew what I meant.  He did and said "Well, I can't feel the heart beat but there is something like a vibration there." 

I didn't sleep.  Early in the morning I passed a 2 inch blood clot.  I told Bryce to call Brenda.  She had me save it and asked if I was light headed and to keep drinking.  Around 5 I had Bryce all my mom and she and Amber came and picked up Lincoln.  At around 6 I lost a blood clot the size of a baseball.  As I was sitting on the toilet with Bryce in front of me I felt my vision and hearing going and told Bryce I was going to faint.  He caught me and the next thing I knew Bryce had put me on the floor with my feet up on the toilet.  Bryce had called Brenda and she walked him through the process.  She also said it might be a good time to call our family doctor and get his opinion.  One of the greatest things about our midwives is they can help you so much and they know exactly when they are at a point that might go beyond their skill set (like blood transfusion, etc.)  One of the greatest things I love about our family doctor (also the doctor who helped Link be born) is that he trust my midwives so much and likes to avoid any unnecessary medical procedures out of the way.  Bryce called him and after asking things like my color and fluids, etc, he said "No, don't bring her in."  He knew that there may be a routine d&c which was not going to be necessary and that the miscarriage was completing itself as many do. 

After I got back to bed I started having mild contractions.  Everyone thought with such a big blood clot passed that I most likely had the baby so this was a good sign that my uterus was clamping down.  I wanted Link back to nurse as I know that right after birth a nursing baby can help with this.  I continued until about 10:15.  When I went to the bathroom another blood clot left, this time falling in the toilet with a littlle bit of a heavy sound.  It was hard to see in the darkness of the blood at the bottom of the toilet but my heart was telling me that the baby was there.  We found a utencil to help bring the clot up and there was the baby still in the sack with umbilical cord and everything.  Though translucent skin showed the brain, heart, and eye I thought our little one was so beautiful.  Bryce placed the baby in a plastic bag and in the fridge.  We were hoping to later find out a gender, but we never did.  On Tuesday we buried the baby in our yard and planted bulbs above the little one.  Hopefully they come out in spring, maybe May, right when our little one was to appear.

On Monday we went to the hospital.  Our doctor was thinking I might need another rhogam shot. We were not able to get to see our doctor, but another one at the clinic and although nice he made me feel uneasy.  He checked me and said my cervix was closing which is good.  But he didn't know if I needed a rhogam shot, called the ob on call and decided not to.  Then he had us take an antibody test to see if I am RH sensitive and went on to describe the horrors this will be if we are.  We are waiting on the results this morning.  It is a 1% chance, but if we are according to this doctor all our future pregnancies will be super high risk, needing blood transfusions for the baby throughout the pregnancy and possibly delivering at Mayo in Rochester.  Still birth and miscarriage, and incredibly sick kids are all on the docket because my blood may have developed an antibody to fight off any baby with a positive blood type and being that 85% of the US population is positive this is most likely what I will have. 

Life didn't happen

I had a miscarriage this morning. 

First Midwife's Visit = First Doctor's Visit

My midwife Brenda came for a visit yesterday.  It was good to talk about all the small things I have been thinking about this pregnancy as well as the big.  One big thing is the reason that I didn't think I was pregnant that is still present, blood.  Brenda was kind, but told me what need to be said.  Either I am having a miscarriage and in that case, there is nothing you can do or I am not.  She "perscribed" me 800 i.u. of Vit E to help with embedding in case that is one of the reasons I am losing blood.  She also had me call my hospital ob for a rhogam shot since I am RH-.  I called this morning and was immediately asked to come in so that occupied my day today.

I am currently setting up a way to work my AmeriCorps job from home.  I feel like it can very much be done, but I am afraid of upsetting the people I work with who I have a good relationship with.  My boss is great and so are my co-workers.  I am excited to see Link more.  Already I am noticing things I didn't see him do yet because I usually spend only 4-5 hours a day with him.  Like how he goes and gets a child's chair to wash his hands and new words he says like "really tasty."  I also noticed that somebody took him to a fast food place without my knowledge because when we stopped by one after the hospital visit he kept crying to me for a sip of his shake and I don't get shakes.

Short stuff

• For the past several months, Link has been calling me "Superdad". Lately, at times, it sounds more like "Soup Dad".

• One day all Link's toys who are people were in a teary mood. Crying cowboy, crying Batman, crying Abraham Lincoln...

• A frequent conversation between Link and any number of his toys goes like this: "That one?" "No, that one." "That one?" "Yeah, that one."

• Instead of "excuse me", Link says "goom-see" (always at appropriate times, though - very politely).

Boys' Names

We have a girl's name picked out.  Carrying it over from the last pregnancy.  However we used our boy name and we are having problems picking another.  Not that it will influence anything, but I was wondering your thoughts.  If you want to leave a comment saying which name you like and why we would dig that.  Please keep your comments to yourself if you think one is weird or you don't like it.  If we do end up naming our child that we will always think of the comment you made and never let you touch him.  So here it goes:
Simon
Ikarus
Jasper
Miro
Vincent
Briar
Miles
Graham
Elliot

So Life Happened

So life happened, a lot over the last two months.  I started working at the Extension Office in Prairie du Chien as part of AmeriCorps VISTA.  The job is full time and very self motivated.  It was a little hard to get into the flow that I had goals that I had to make and deadlines I had to make, etc, but I rather enjoy it and can see how this job will help polish my skills that carry into running my own business.  I also opened up a shop in Elkader called Whimsy Market.  It is a retail store of all kinds.  We have furniture, gifts, clothes, cloth diapers, kitchenwares, etc.  So far people love it and we have been doing tremendously.  I'm not sure how much of it is "new store in town" mentality, but people keep leaving saying "I need to bring my sister, aunt, brother, etc in" so we feel positive about it.
I am also in the musical at the Elkader Opera House.  We are doing working.  Tonight is night three of performance.  We have 7 total.  It is my first time with a name, lines, and singing.  I am getting great comments from the casting directors and feel like I have finally proven myself.  I suck at auditioning so it really took luck to get a position where I can show that I do have some talent.  One of the casting directors told me last night that I stick out during group numbers like a shinning star.  That really made my night.
So then comes the bigger news.  After a few weeks of feeling like my insides was going to explode, having no energy, and having a very irregular period (spotting every couple of days) I convinced myself that I needed to go get checked to see if I had cancer.  I had been talking to my friend whose husband had cancer and is fully recovered.  She said his calf felt tight like it wouldn't release.  I thought that sounded similar to my stomach.  Just to be sure I took a pregnancy test which I thought would of course be negative since I was still bleeding, but there it was in bright blue "PREGNANT."
I am happy, we are all happy, but it a very big surprise.  My AmeriCorps VISTA job is a year long with only 10 days off and must be done the full year (August 16 my end date) in order to get the $6000 loan repayment.  It makes me wonder about continuing the job, but I really like it, the people I work with, the extra income, the creative outlet that I was depressed about before.  I also probably won't be going out for the musical next year, even after getting my break this year.
The positives I am looking at is that in not realizing I was pregnant I am almost through my first trimester and therefore the sickness will probably be gone soon.  Woohoo!  I also am very happy my body figured out how to conceive without meds.  I really wasn't concerned about getting pregnant because I thought for sure I would need to take medication again.  And it is not like we are in a bad place to have another child.  Lots of people have second children when their oldest is 2 or 3.  I just had always planned on 5.  I also am having trouble thinking about Lincoln.  It is hard for me to conceptualize loving any child more than him, but someone told me your heart just grow more with each child, so that is good.
Since I have found out I am pregnant I haven't had any bleeding at all and my doc and midwife said that sometimes it just happens with the second child a little more.  I do have other signs, super similar to my first pregnancy.  I am completely exhausted.  I have terrible baby brain, often forgetting costuming during shows.  I am craving the same foods- noodles with butter and gas station hamburgers- i know gross right.  I am clumsy.  I am sick to my stomach all the time.
Link doesn't realize anything about the baby, but he is probably enjoying the milk coming in.  He will have a new baby cousin next month so he will get to experience having a younger sibling through Diana's eyes for a while before ours comes.
We are all a little sick this week.  Soar throat and upset stomachs.  Link had diarrhea last night and when he went to flush the toilet he said "look mom, chocolate milk poop."

August Top 10

So, as I said I could hardly blog let along think about anything else, but now things are in motion and all is working out.
Here is my top 10 for the month

1. A great weekend in Rochester, MN with Liz, Lew, Dani, and Todd (plus families).  We went to the lake a couple miles down the road and had a great party with amazing ribs and great beer and karaoke that everyone got in on.

2. The garden is in bloom and we have been eating the produce.  Today we tried our hand at some preserving and made our first batch of spaghetti sauce to freeze.

3. What Not to Wear.  It started with watching a marathon in the hotel room my first night and has continued as I have found full episodes of youtube.  I am getting so much out of my wardrobe by combining things I never have before.  It is fun and I feel really professional.

4.  AmeriCorps Training.  I was in a fabulous hotel with fabulous food and surrounded with a majority of 23-28-year-olds who had no idea that I was older then them and had the same personalities that social justice seeking networkers have.  So everyone was welcoming and caring.

5.  I took an HDR class which I was slightly disappointed with, but then I went home and started messing around with Photoshop and found an HDR aspect so now I can do some of the effect on the senior photos I have been taken recently.  

 

6. I started my job and I like it.  I am gone a lot, but I like what I do and so far the people I work with.  I have been getting compliments on what I have already accomplished.






7. I went to a Rotary Club meeting and I really enjoyed it.  I am interested in becoming a Rotarian, but it seems slightly pricey and I need to find out a lot more about the organization.

8.  Good Movies.  Bryce and I went to see Captain America which was pretty good.  I also went to see The Help when I was in Chicago at training.  I went with someone who read the book and they said both were great.  I liked the movie so I will probably read the book now.

9.  Sushi with the Hefels.  Baby Coos and Stella included.  I am very much in love with the Playboy maki.

10. Musical practice is started and coming along.  I like the songs I am in and my character is very much like myself so I am excited about it.  We are doing Working which is based off the Studs Terkel book.  My doula, Karin is in the show with me.  I love hanging out with her. 

Link's language

Link has recently made up a word that he uses (I think) whenever he doesn't know the word for something. It sounds kind of like "DUN-duh".

He also, for the longest time, has been using this word that sounds like "food fight" every once in a while, and it's the only thing where we have no idea what he's talking about. Usually we can figure out less enunciated words based on context.

Another thing he's been doing this week is repeat a command on either side of addressing someone, e.g., "Help, Superdad, help!" or "Pick it up, Superdad, pick it up!" (Oh yeah and my name is Superdad; we really don't know where that came from but haven't discouraged it. Sometimes he'll say "Supermama" or "SuperAmber" too.)

Week 22

1. Bix Race- 10K + 16 friends all dressed as runaway brides + a water slide = extreme fun

2. Finally allowing myself to get on an anti-depressant (thank you to all who are on them that spoke openly to me about them.  you really helped)

3. new hair.  sort of love hate with the bangs.  probably won't be staying long.

Waiting for the Party

Whenever there is a party, a birthday party, a wedding, a halloween party, I don't want to do anything all day.  In fact I can hardly do anything but think about it.  I get ready to early, often have to plan my arrival so that I am not the first one there if I don't want to be.  The same goes with lots of other transitions in my life.  Yesterday I interviewed for a job as a chamber director, a job that I really want and would do well at.  I also have been accepted into AmeriCorps Vista, a job that I really want and would do well at.  I am weighing the possibilities of taking one over the other, but that is not what is stalling me from doing many other things.  I will do one of them and I will start in two weeks.  I have known this for three weeks now and I can't do anything.  It is a big change in my life.  A 40 hour work week after years of none.  Waking up to an alarm clock again.  Just like an upcoming party I just want it to start.  I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do small tasks in the house, I can't blog, I can't talk.  I walk in circles and wonder what I should be doing instead of doing anything.  I am a wreck.

Week 19-21: Top 10

1. Re-discovering a park and waterfront in Elkader

2. Black raspberry picking at the farm

3. Durbin family get together in Ohio

 (Link's hair looks so Amish in this picture.)

4. Welcoming Coos Hefel to Sadie and Jason and Stella's family

5. A goodbye to friend Denny Eilers

6. Link's Dr. Suess Second Birthday party

7. BLT's with the neighbors (enjoying our garden produce)

8. Watching the world cup in women's soccer

9. Putting diapers and changing table in the attic

10. Date with Bryce to see the last Harry Potter movie

Week 18: Top 10

1. Party at Delhi with the Giuntas

2.  Cleaning the car with the family

3. Putting up shutters on the house

4. My own personal fail blog material delivered to my doorstep

5. Last minute applying for an Americorps position and getting it

6. The Wire (finished the last episode of the entire season and I wasn't disappointed)

7. Link has decided he know longer needs diapers!

8. Fresh lettuce from the garden

9. Arlington Days with the Beatty Family and Friends.

10. Sadie's Blessingway

Week 17: Top 10

1. A much needed solo vacation.  I chose Duluth, MN.  It did not choose me.  50 degrees, 30 mph winds, and rain.

2.  Painting the front porch with Link.

3. Getting a speaking role in the upcoming Opera House Musical production "Working."  A Sondheim, based on a Studs Terkel book.

4. Strawberry Picking for the first time.  (In Mabel, MN)

5. "White Trash" Bunco night.  I was in charge of food and we had twinkies on toothpicks, cheese wiz, etc.

6. Downtime with Debbie.  She took a few days off to build her deck and I got to take up most of her time since it was raining.

 7. Visit with the Pedal Powered Family on their bike trip through North America.  We went swimming, had lunch at Simply in Prairie du Chien, and then sent them on with love.

8. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

9. Garden is looking better and better with each rain.

10. If you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to- Weezer

Week 16: Top 10

1. A great visit from Betsy and Jim.

2. Garnavillo Auction Deals- I bought a solid oak round table and chairs for $90 and a bunch of cookie sheets and pans for pennies.  The only deal I didn't get was $1.25 for a can of soda.

3. Free ice cream at the bank.

4. Race for a Cure.  Link and I went for fun with no agenda.  Free music and a jump house.  Beautiful walk and name of loved ones I have lost (Michelle Rima and Rick Tibbott) displayed on t-shirts of people I don't even know shows the connections we all have.

5. Adult Hip Hop class where I am learning tutting and booty popping

6. Sadie and Jason came for dinner and Jason made me feel really confident about what I can do with certain areas of the house I was scared to touch.  (Like the ceilings and floors).

7. Re-building the front porch with my sister.

8. Biking with a new bike and bike trailer.

9. Realizing Link can count to 10 by himself.

10. Having a nice dinner with the world's best dad and the world's best dad to my child.

Week 14/15: Top 10

1. Garage sale with mom (she knocked down the street sign in our yard).

2. Going to Dubuque by myself (driving and eating at Crust) and then later with Amber

3. Getting the store painted with Michelle

4. Watching the birds grow up and fly away.  We are now empty-nesters.

5. Signs of life in the garden-radishes, lettuce, carrots.

6. Bathing with Link, watching him nurse his squirt toys

7. Tune-yards

8. The annual Sam's Birthday Party and Strawberry Days Parade.

9. Ripping up our porch and putting in a new one.

10. WIC gave me a book for free that I was considering buying from a store anyway.

Link updates

Starting to love baths.

Loving song and dance.

Has picked up from Diana "How doing?  Goud."  and "What doing?  oOOooohhh!"

Started counting, but just to 2.

Whining A LOT.

From time to time eating green beans right away.

Week 13: Top 10 (-3)

1. Painting with chalkboard paint

2. The Wire

3. Planted the garden.  Which checks one off my 101 to do list.  Only 68 more things to do by next May.

4. Making waffles with Link.  He decided to crack his own egg, which was fun to watch and a mess to clean up.

5. Filled a sandbox for Link in the raised bed that we didn't end up using.

6. My friend Jasmine came home for a visit and brought along her boyfriend DQ.  She scheduled the time with Rebecca Bender and her twins so it was lots of fun and kid entertaining.  Link got his hair cut as well.

7. This week is going too fast to think.

Week 12: Top 10

1. Giving blood again, which I haven't since 2006.

2. Graduation parties of some of my theater kids. Grace had the movie theater catering with my favorite hotdogs.

3. Fish Fry with Friends. Having Link take to playing with the kids immediately. Amazing fish and shrimp, snapping turtles, wheel barrels, hula hoops, and more.
4. Putting empty clothes to resemble a raptured person my pastor's doorstep.

5. Spontanious lunch with Leslie and meeting her friends from San Fransico that are living with them for a year. (Now a 12 person household.) Welcome Evette, Mike, Sophia, Claudia, and Olivia. Yummy pinto bean casserole.

6. Dani's birthday party. Volleyball, campfire, friends, and Bryce took work off!

7. Went to Cedar Rapids to a huge cloth diaper garage sale at Birth, Baby, and Beyond and ended up happening upon the Marion Art Festival.

8. Hearing Link sing "Boom Boom Pow," "Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Come On," "Riding Solo," and others.

9. Eating ice cream cones with Lincoln, bottom first.

10. Finding a robin nest with babies directly outside the window. (No wonder the cats have been camped there for weeks.)