Dr. Schwartz, thumbs up

Today Bryce and I went to see a new doctor, Dr. Schwartz. I had heard many great things about him from people in the area. He was great. We told him right away that we were having a home birth and basically were looking for a emergency doctor and pediatrician. He was excellent and so reassuring that we were making the right choice. He said Brenda (our midwife) is amazing and if he should be called in an emergency he trusts she will have done everything in her power and knows what is going on so the emergency will be easily taken care of. Although he has had very few calls from her, those that he did deal with went smoothly.
That was basically it, he gave us a prescription with his cell phone number and said he would most likely see us in August for baby's first appointment.
We are very please to have him as a doctor and it only took us about 45 minutes to get there compared to an hour and a half.
I am so excited about this upcoming home birth. We get all kinds of excuses for why not to do home birth from well meaning people. My favorites being "hospitals aren't like they used to be." I just nod my head but inside think "Ah yes, back then there were way less cesarean and less medication." Do people think hospital births are done all over the world? Do they realize how we compare in death rate and complications to other countries? Nope.
My other favorite is "thank God I was in a hospital or this traumatic event would never have happened." Do they not see the connection? My niece was born the same day as "blogger Jen" delivered her son. One hospital, one home birth, both first children, around the same weight, same length of labor, etc. The home birth was amazing and the hospital birth needed a vacuum extractor and several other interventions. The hospital mom was terrified of her birth and recommended I be in the hospital in case. Again I nod, but inside "Uh, I would prefer the more peaceful birth."
Dr. Schwartz (a hospital doctor) is in agreement.

My drum and my belly

Skin stretched tight around a circular frame
Taut flesh marked with its own designs
Midwife by my side
Creation takes shape
The birth of a vessel with music inside
Lightly feel the beats
Thump, thump, Boom, thump, sliiiide
My drum and my belly
bringing alive

Eppp

Does that really say I only have 100 days left!?!?!
That is a little scary.
This little monster will not stop moving. Even kicking my belly button out. I can almost see the back. I never thought I would truly pop, but I probably will.
Baby is lying diagonally. Head under my right breast, feet kicking at left thigh and pee spot.

If you read my other blog

If you read my other blog you know all I talk about recently is work.
Well, Bryce and I went on a retreat this weekend and a friend of ours there was talking about how after their son was born it was really hard for him because he had loved the couplehood he had with his wife and although it was still there he knew it would never be the same again. He had to learn to love the new life.
In a way I think my work has prepared me for that. From June to November last year I couldn't get enough of my job. I loved everyone, morale was high, we were all working together greatly. Then Naomi left and I stepped down and Jason came as the new editor. Now Jason is great, but everything has changed and I don't like it. The hard part is accepting that it will never be the same.
Life with baby maybe the same way. I am trying to think of ways to help ease the change better so it is not as heartbreaking as work is. Maybe cute little baby's face it all we need though.

What's G

So I have been having some bad charlie horses so I asked a physical therapist that was out with us on girl's night out what she suggested. She said I was probably dehydrated and needed electrolytes so I should drink a sports drink. I tried to drink this blue gatorade before going to bed and it immediately dried my mouth out and kept me up half the night. I suppose it is some type of energy drink so before bed is not the best idea, but whatever. I didn't have any cramps but I won't be doing that again anytime soon. Plus I had to pee about every 5 minutes (and I'm not even exaggerating).
The hemp seed oil is going pretty well for my depression. It tastes good on eggs and salads and I have been feeling pretty well. Today though I am up and down as a new stress has been added into my life. My husband. Sorry, hun, I know you read this. We have issues with jobs and it can get tricky with freelancing. In addition, his paycheck from January still has not come, which is cramping our style. Makes you realize you should have a back up fund. If only there was enough money and time to save for that even.
Our health coverage plan went up which is not making me happy. I already hate health insurance, but wanted to have it for the baby. Now that I am going through a midwife I don't even need it. At the end of the year I am going to put all my health bills together and see what insurance paid and what we paid into insurance. Yes, I know there could be huge things that happen, but if we started our own health savings account instead of insurance at this point in our life we could have a pretty good pot to dig from. Plus I know far too many people who have been dropped in time of need by insurance.

The scale and cravings

I thought I had gained 3 lbs total, but when I got on the scale today I actually weigh less than before I was pregnant. I always have fluxuating weight so it is not a big surprise, but come on.
I am showing though. Just wish the "top bunk" would flatten out a little bit because it looks like I am pregnant on top and not on bottom. Wearing loose shirts for the illusion. I love all the new shirts I got.
I still don't think I have any cravings, but I am going to say that spaghetti and marinara sauce is often the most attractive meal to me so if I didn't claim it before, I am claiming it now.

First Class

Tonight we had our first prenatal class at Brenda's home. Her partner Mora and her apprentices Valarie and Ida helped the couples learn how to do their own monitoring. Bryce learned blood pressure, measuring the fundus, and we already had learned urine anlysus. There were five couples present, plus Mora is also pregnant.
All the couples were really great. We ate food (prepared mostly by vegiterians and met cool people.
Sadie and Jason are from Guttenberg and we really clicked with them. Sadie has dreads as well and Jason's mom works for the Guttenberg Press. They are due in Septemeber.
Ben and Katia were from Wisconsin. When Ben said he was from Gay's Mills I slightly mentioned I had looked into community living there and he told me he grew up on the Frog and Toad commune, which has been completely off the grid since the 1970s. He was a supported of community living, but he said it definitely depends on the group of people you are with and the age group of Frog and Toad does not appeal to him. Plus he said Katia wooed him with her "running water". They are due in April.
Lisa and Scott both work at Luther College and live in Decorah. Lisa teaches theater and Scott does IT. They were the most normal out of the group.
Jenna and Aaron were there with their daughter Myra, who is walking and saying "hi" but I'm not sure how old she was. Jenna impressed me in that she was nursing Myra and pregnant, due in July. I can only imagine how much you would have to eat to nourish baby 1, baby 2, and yourself. They looked a little wiped.
The night focused on nutrition and keeping track of what we ate as well as addressing what other topics we would like to address. We lit candles for joys we have in our life and Ida sang taught us a song.
I am so happy to meet other pregnant women who are like minded. Afterward we went to the coop to buy hemp oil, which I am taking for more Vitamin K to help with my depression and some yummy stuff.
I talked a little bit about being unable to accomplish anything recently and lots of people gave some really great advice. Such as working in micro-movements. Acomplishing a small task each day which leads up to the big task that I want to do. Like finding a supply one day, cutting out a pattern the next, etc. Also another thing we realized is Bryce is spending all his time working and I am actually with him but feel very lonely. So he said he was going to try and work on spending more time with me.
Last night I had the worst dream. My depression made me insane and I murdered. I told Bryce to go back to Ohio and I wanted an abortion of the evil child that had possesed me and to be put to death for destroying everything I loved. They wouldn't let me do either so the majority of my time dream was me finding ways to kill myself and my baby. Ahhh. I woke up balling and had to get Bryce.

Quick Kick

Tonight I felt the baby kicking! It was really cool. I told Shannon now I've heard, seen and felt the baby. I can't wait to meet you, kiddo.

Baby Blues and Babo

I have been having some depression lately. Mostly dealing with the combination of income, not being satisfied with the work I do, trying to figure out what to do when the baby is here and not seeing any light at the end of tunnel, making me think this ride is longer than I want it to be. This week went SOOO slow. Yet, without much drama.

My greatest happiness has been my husband. I could not imagine a better dad for this child. Today he got to feel baby's movements for the first time. It was awesome. Also, while I was at work he instant messaged me saying he had a surprise for me. This in not like him and I was super excited, but not wanting to get to excited unless it was like he swept the floor or something like that. When I came home I was greeted to the surprise of a new camera. I am very excited.

We also had an box of Old Navy clothes come in. I did some bargin bin online shopping and got a bunch of shirts for myself and pants for Bryce. Clothes can always make me happy.

I talked to my boss about maternity leave. I guess by family leave act I can be gone 12 weeks, but without pay. I learned we have paid sick days and I have 5 for the year (so I can use those). Plus my second year of being at the office is coming at the end of March so I have another week of paid vacation, so that is 2 weeks paid. I know I will probably take more than that, but I can at least feel confident that when I do have the baby my bills won't go unpaid. I never knew about the sick days and I was unaware that I had more vacation. So I thought I was going to get nothing.

Oh, and my boobs just reminded me again just now. I am definitely starting to leak. So weird to all of the sudden feel wet when you have no reason to be.

Diana Dallenbach

Only three days old with a ton of hair. Just like Dustin and myself. I don't think Bryce had any hair when he was born. Who wants to take bets on ours?

D is for Dustin, Daddy, Diana

Uncle Dustin provided Baby Durbin with a cousin on the Dallenbach side today. Diana was born at almost 6 pm today and weighed 7 lbs. I have not talked to Dustin or Vahida but did get two text messages. One with the little one's big chubby face. I always thought that I would be the first to bless either my family or Bryce's family with a child but I was wrong on both accounts. Dustin beat me by three or four months and the Durbin side may have three little ones before Bryce's bundle of joy breaths hello. Birth classes start this Thursday and I am SOOO excited.

Swinging

In the graphic to the right, baby at 22 weeks looks like he is swinging on an umbilical cord. That is pretty much what it feels like all day. Especially when I lean over. Baby says "Move those intestines over, I need my elbow room."

Birth Art Series: Being Pregnant

The second series in the birth art process was "Being Pregnant." We used basic drawing tools for this, graphite, conte, etc.
Unknowingly Bryce and I both made abstract images.
Mine includes an unkown something in the head and the belly. A door to peer through that is only halfway open. Faint hands reaching out to help. I never feel alone, but I never feel completely helped (may because I don't let people).
Bryce's included the electricity of creating life mixed with the eb and flow of natural life rhythms.