Time lapse of a baby playing with his toys

We will have awesome videos like this someday.

The Hormonal Challenge

I'm have been crying, laughing, dying, loving life, etc. I have been reading about hormones lately. The author talked about how a few women have such severe hormonal change while cycling that they have irrational thoughts that seem so clear to them and they feel they have never been more right. I think I fit in that category. When I would cycle my manager would often get e-mails from me that were tangents about things I thought important which I was later so embarrassed about. I also always had my suicidal thoughts during this time in my early years. As soon as the cycle would end I would go back to normal. It seems I either have too much of a hormone or I just can't handle it.
This is all fine, I have a good manager and I try to realize what is happening when it happens and have been able to deal with it. Unfortunately, now that I am pregnant I am having hormonal swings that are taking me all over the map. I am loving life and at the same time wanting to not be alive. I am ready to quit the job I love. I am having incredible fun with my friends and family. I am not sure how to handle it because this is not going away next week. I've got some 5 months of this. Please pray for me as I don't want to ruin my life (relationship, job, health) or have a stressed out baby. If you have any suggestions I would really appreciate it.

Sundogs and Shooting stars

This is what I have experienced since my pregnancy. How awesome.

Met the Midwife today

I LOVE HER! Brenda is my midwife and is awesome. Her apprentice, Valarie, was also there and she is great too. We met at Brenda's house for several hours talking about so many things. She was delighted to see our birth art. She gave me a series of blood and pee tests that really put me in the drivers seat to see what my results were. I don't even know the results of my actual doctors exam.
She taught us how to feel the top of the uterus and mine is already pretty high, only three finger lengths below my navel. It was barely above my pelvic bone two weeks ago.
I am really looking forward to having this baby. Meeting Brenda was the best part of my day. Work just keeps getting worse and I don't know if I can make it until my birth. I was planning on never leaving, but my co-workers are bears. They were not this way when I worked with them just three months ago.

All in the family

When my Grandma Dallenbach was alive we use to go on winter family vacations with the whole clan. Since then our families have broken up a little as grand kids were being born and people were getting married. My mom has tried to carry on the tradition with little success. This weekend we went to Des Moines. My immediate family of 8 were all that came. We still had a really good time. We stayed at Dustin and Vahidas, tried to go to a Lego convention, but seeing 30 some cars in the ditch turned around, and ended up spending a lot of time at Jordan Creek Mall. Amber and I scavenged the sales rack at Torrid and mom made all the purchases. We all went to see Gran Torino, which was good for everyone in our family. The tough guys liked Clint Eastwood, the jokesters liked the racial slurs, and all of liked the message and plot of the movie.
This morning we went to church. A lot of eating, sleeping, and conversation made the trip a great time. Now that I am back I am sifting through my first bag of baby clothes. Vahida received them second hand, did the first run through as they know their little girl in coming soon and I did the second. I have about 25 pieces right now.
If we have a boy about 15 may work. I am not opposed to dressing a boy in pink. I hate color stereotyping a whole lot, however, I also understand the embarrassment it may cause to others to call our little boy a girl if he is all in pink frills.
I have now thrown out my "What to expect book" after another positive referral and four more disapprovals of the book since the last post. I knew I would have to decide for myself and I finally came across a couple of things that made the decision. First I became convinced from the book that I probably should get an episiotomy, only to find in my two favorite books a whole slew of things that can enhance stretchiness and the fact that 90% of hospital births have episitomys while 10% midwife births do and very few tear. So to replace the book I bought Ina May's Guide and Holy Cow do I love it. Not only is it so positive about birthing I learned a bunch of new things. Such as kissing helps you to dialate. And to think of contractions as rushes rather than constricting contractions.
Here is something I did not expect from any book. I am in second trimester and feeling better and I have to pee about 70x times more than I did in my first trimester. Every book I read says this is the time when you pee less because the uterus moves itself up into the belly and off the bladder. Well, not so in the Shannon garden.
Oh, Bryce and I started to do the art of birthing art. We used pastels the other day. I will totally put them on when we have a camera again. Both of our cameras died in the same week before Christmas. Hence the photo-less posts. I am really hoping we get another one or get one fixed before our trip at the end of February and really before the baby comes.

The light switch

Three people told me when their morning sickness went away it was like a switch had been flipped, night and day. Well, I am not sure if I had that experience, but I think I know what they were talking about as far as feel good hormones rushing to the brain. For the past three days I have been what Bryce calls "weird." I got this way once in a while when I was really happy prior to my pregnancy, but never for so long. This heightened giddiness I can suppress most places, even though it leaks out a little, but at home nothing stops me. This means uncontrollable laughter, wanting to squeeze everything that comes in my path, and acting a lot like a cat. If the whole second trimester is like this I don't know if I can take it. It is almost like being in a constant state of the peak of an orgasm. I feel like my head is going to explode if something doesn't happen. When I get this way I wonder if I have a mild case of bi-polar disorder. Anyway, I Feel Good. Ah ha ha ha ha. Windmill, Windmill for the land. Love forever hand in handm. Take it all in on your stride. It is sinking, falling down. Love forever love is free. Let's turn forever you and me. Windmill, windmill for the land. Is everybody in?

Baby Shower

Baby Durbin smoked for the first time this week. Second hand. Sadly it was at a baby shower. Not for me, but for my brother's girlfriend, Vahida, who is ready to pop. The shower consisted on Vahida's friend Zino and her mother (their house) and Vahida's three sister in laws. (They are all refugees. Vahida has two other sisters still in Bosnia. Her parents were killed in the war.) And my family (Amy, Linda, Andrea, Mom, Amber, and I). My sister and Vahida decorated and made the food, cabbage rolls, sodoma, and other food I can't remember the names of. It was all great. I was in charge of games. I did a passing a pacifier on straws in your mouth, drawing a baby on a paper plate while on your head, and guess how many were in the bottle. My mom paid for everything.
At the shower Z's mother said I a really good complexion, which is odd because I have terrible acne. Maybe I have the glow.
I don't know if anyone I know would throw me a shower. I usually have to have my own parties because my friends really don't know each other, maybe all my friends don't think I have other friends. I have no idea.
I'm trying to decide what one maternity t-shirt I want to purchase. Because I am trying to save money as well. I think I have decided to not buy any, but instead where a t-shirt Bryce got from his favorite radio show. "The Best Show," on WFMU.
It says "Get ready to meet my little friend" which is a funny mistake from a call in who meant to say "Say hello to my little friend.
Now for the weekly weather report. I am still stick. I'm 14 weeks. I should be done. I am pretending that I feel good and I am throwing up more than ever. Even places that were not work (such as in the car on the way home from our last appointment and at home). I also have this stupid sweet sticky taste in the back of my throat, I can't stand. Even bread puts it there. I don't want to eat anything for fear of having that.

Fun fact I learned today

As he moved his hands, the skin on the tips of his fingers formed unique ridges and folds. Thus the baby is making his very own fingerprints.

150 beats

Today I woke up in such a positive mood. When the alarm clock music went off I said to Bryce "I love this song," which is very strange for my morning grumpiness. We made it to our appointment at the women's clinic. Although we have picked out a midwife, we have yet to meet so I am still doing routine exams at this clinic and I really like everyone. I would love it to be my back up hospital, but it might be too far away.
We heard our babies heartbeat for the first time. Cool to know the little one is actually there. 150 beats per minute, you can guess the sex if you want. Some people think they can tell from the heartbeat. We are not going to check. My uterus felt the right size so no ultra sounds and probably no twins. A pastor friend of ours just had twins last week. He looks wiped.
I haven't had a headache for the last few days, although I am still quesy. My new stomach settler is fruit snacks, gushers, and fruit by the foot. But seriously, who thinks that they actually taste like any fruit flavor? I saw the word strawberry on one package I was eating and I thought "Really?!?"
I still think it is funny that I am 14 weeks along, but my baby has only been here 12 weeks. That was actually a big surprise for me when I first found out.
Also confirmed was that I have only gained 1 lb, which is good. And the doctor actually said the words "Healthy" when describing me, so I am really happy. That is the one word I was hoping to hear.
Today I tried the rubber band through the belt loop and it works pretty well. Still need to make sure your shirt doesn't ride up. Can shirts get any shorter?
Two people I really like talking to about the baby are Lori at work (who has two young girls) who were both premies and Leslie Schiller at book club. She had three births, I know the last one was with a midwife. She always gives me the most confidence in everything I do.

We share our mother's health

We heard the baby's heartbeat today!

Which means I didn't lose the keys before we left for our appointment and we made it on time. We had a good visit with one of the doctors as well as the nurse we met with last time (in November?). From the size of Shannon's uterus it appears there is one (1) baby, which is fine with us.

Our next visit will be in a month and we'll get an ultrasound!

Prenatal Vitamins

When I first got pregnant I did not want to take prenatal vitamins as I don't like taking any sort of pill. I bought a couple of books on how to get the same nutrition from food and herbs. It required a lot of stuff. In the end I did start taking the vitamin and I am glad I did because gradually the only things I wanted to eat was pasta, eggs, toast, potatoes, cheese, and milk. So without the vitamin this precious soul would definitely have some developmental issues. Over this time I have also gone from biting my pill in half and swallowing twice to getting that horse med down in one swig.
Yesterday I did not get a headache at all. Possibly because we finally made it to the gym. Or because I am getting better, cross my fingers. I decided if I can handle it I am going to slowly start introducing those revolting vegetables and protein back in my life. Today I added onions to my eggs. We will see how this goes.

Pay no mind to the brain

My former co-worker (who was then pregnant) use to complaign about baby brain all the time. It irritated her. So far I thought I exhibitied no signs, but now I have so much baby brain I don't even catch myself. Bryce is constantly saying things like "Did you put this [item that does not go here] in the fridge" etc.

Woah, Woah, Woah

I wasn't much noticing my enhancing breast size, but the elastic in my bras were so I went to buy some new ones. I got measured and I am DDD! Holy canoly. If I get any bigger I am going to have to start specialty ordering. I don't even know what comes after that?

In other news we asked my mother to be present during our birth. It was something that I at first thought I didn't want, but as I started to think about I realized she is the person who can reassure me the most and who has gone through three births herself. She watched the Business of Being Born as well so she is more aware of home births and what I don't want in a hospital birth. Now she is gung-ho on a water birth, which I am not sure if I want. Don't worry, I always do things the way I want anyway, just ask her. :P

Week 13 and still going to "church" every two to three days. "Church" is the brand of toilet we have at work. It is funny to be kneeling in front of the stool, saying "Oh, God" and seeing the word Church in front of me. The overpowering smell of bleach in the stool may add an extra hurl in the process. I am praying it will not continue past week 14.

I have an appointment Friday, but I really want to start checking out hospitals around here that could provide back up assistance in the case of an emergency. I think Waterloo is going to be too far away. So far my choices are 1. Waukon, 2. Manchester, 3. Guttenberg, 4. West Union. Now I need to find out how to meet with the doctor without having to have four, twenty week appointments.

My daily walk has ceased due to the ice on the streets. I could walk in the school, but only at 3:30 which cuts into work. There is no track at the fitness center so I might have to start with the treadmill. For some reason I have always hated those things. Of course the step machine might be just as good. I'll tell you one thing, I am not an eliptical fan.

I've been doing better

Yesterday I really watched what I ate and took notice of how it felt. While it is calming to suck on hard candy and chocolate goes down smoothly, anything sweet is leaving an acidic taste in the back of my throat that I can not stand. Saltines are a good neutralizer, as is milk. Today I felt about 1/2 as dizzy, sick, and nauseated as I have on other days. Other side effects of pregnancy that I have had and from my reading may continue to have throughout is a runny nose and increased allergies.

After watching the documentary that Bryce got on a whim the other day (and my midwife had recommended to me) I am less fearful of birthing. There were several documented drug free births and you could see how painful it was, but how it was not death. I have a feeling I will swear a lot, tell people I am giving up, and hate it, just like I do on really scary roller coasters, but just like when I get off a roller coaster I expect my after reaction is "let's do it again."

I am feeling better about my midwife situation. I spoke with a CNM in Iowa City who said she was two far away, but she recommended some others that did Amish births in the area and one included the first midwife I spoke with. It was nice to have so many people recommend her, including a doctor of midwifery.

The bidness

We just watched a really great documentary called The Business of Being Born, which is about home birth and contrasts it with the typical hospital birth experience. It really bolstered our resolve to have a home birth ourselves.

There were several births that were filmed in the course of the movie, and they all moved us to tears. Many of the experts and ordinary people interviewed had some great insights into birthing. The idea that women's bodies can handle birth without insane amounts of drugs and surgery shouldn't be so novel or curious. It's just an option that seems the most reasonable.