Durbin Family

2012- Week 6

2012-02-13T12:10:00.000-06:00

1. Leslie Schiller (and her family) is amazing. We went to her house for dinner. We helped each other with our individual problems. We shared stories. Link played with the kids immediately and didn't even complain that his parents were not with him. God, I miss seeing her on a regular basis.

2. Bryce borrowed a book on bread making from Leslie and has been a busy little baker ever since.

3. Family Fun Website. I have been using it a lot for after school program snacks and I just want to give it a shout out because I love it so much.

4. Creative Connections Board had it's first meeting. One of the first ideas I am really proud of creating during my AmeriCorps position. The board seemed to be the right people. They are all willing and interested in continuing the program.

5. Methland. I checked this book out from the library and I LOVE it. I relate a little better than a most readers as I was teaching in the high school in Oelwein during the years that the author was doing investigating and the first person mentioned in the book, Nathan Lein, rode my bus when I was growing up. But this is such a great read for everyone to see the behind the scenes of Meth in the US.

6. Bridesmaids Dresses and another Bridal Fair weekend (again). Amber bought her dress and it looks like we might be going with a dress I like for the bridesmaids dresses.

7. Bryce got the part he wanted in the Opera House Production. I was teasing him that he would probably end up making out with another actor who we thought would get play opposite him and he will be.

8. We did spin art at Creative Connections and there was a Spaghetti Dinner afterwards that the Lions were putting on at the school.

9. Link was an absolute ham this weekend, picking up everything and saying everything. I got my first picture of him with both dimples showing, even though he looks a little funny. Just shows the personality he was having all week.

10. Valentines all got sent, although I forgot to take photographs of most of them.

2012- Week 5

2012-02-06T10:44:00.001-06:00

1. I was able to experience a learning moment with Link. He decided it was time to push the pedals on his tricycle and now he can go off on his own.

2. Michelle (my partner at Whimsy Market) dropped a bomb on me saying that she will not be renewing her lease with Whimsy Market after our 1st year anniversary in August. So I am faced with a huge issue of whether I take this store on myself, close it, or find other partners. It is mind-bogglingly hard to decide, especially with it working so perfectly right now. My heart is broken and this is taking most of my attention this week.

3. Had lunch with Amy, my boss at AmeriCorps. Chicken PoBoys and Nine Irons at Simply and I am in heaven. I was thinking she might have bad news for me too, but it was a joyus lunch. I excitedly returned to work dreaming up summer camps for this year.

4. I talked with the 5th grade class about being munchkins in The Wizard of Oz and I have a great cast of them going. I held auditions today and their nervous little wavering voices were perfect for the song.

5. Bryce auditioned for the play at Opera House. He seems pleased with how it went. I don't want to say anything else because I know the director may read this blog post. Or maybe I should. With talent like his he will have the audience weeping, laughing, and giving a standing ovation in the middle of the performance. (JK)

6. Link discovered the other difference between moms and dads that doesn't deal with nursing. We also made valentines and made hand puppets by drawing eyes on the side of our hand.

7. Pay day.

8. A couple got married in the hallway outside where I work (in the county office).

9. Superbowl party at Paul and Paula. Really good to catch up with a few friends.

10. Making Valentines with Naomi. This time we are making them in our seperate locations, but still fun to do. She is so creative it was a delight opening up her box of Valentines. And she let me pay her share with the left over istock credits I have that are about to expire.

Minor trauma

2012-01-31T22:08:00.002-06:00

Watched the first ten minutes of a documentary about sea turtles. The baby turtles hatched and then had to crawl to the sea. The movie introduced the turtles' predators (crabs and gulls) with dramatic music. I said to Shannon, "I don't want to see the turtles ripped apart!" and then Link repeated me. The worst thing was that I'm pretty sure he understood exactly what I meant. Netflix said it was a children's documentary, but there were shots of crabs grabbing turtles and dragging them away! I might have nightmares myself! It was like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan in reverse.

In other news, I taught Link the background vocal for M83's "Midnight City". I hear him singing it to Shannon as she's putting him to bed right now.

2012- Week 4

2012-01-30T11:04:00.000-06:00

1. It was a week of bad karma for me. Lots of people telling me things that I did not want to hear about me, lots of people having bad days and putting that energy on me, lots of good things that I couldn't be a part of me making me feel jealous. Overall not great emotional health for me.

2. Celebrated Trish's birthday at her house. Richard ordered in fajitas and we ate and talked and laughed well into the night. Sam and Link played Star Wars. The best thing about being with the Bruxvoort-Colligan's is that I always go away feeling like I am a loved person for just being who I am.

3. Went to another bridal fair with Amber, which allowed me to pig out again on cake and samples and see what people have to offer in the area.

4. Whimsy Market had a Chamber Welcome. They encouraged us to have an After 5 soon.

5. Went to an auction. It was going all really high, but I got an ok deal on a chair, lamps, and plenty of little items.

6. After School Program went sledding with the kids and we had a lot of fun. I think I had more fun as an AmeriCorps Vista this week than I ever have had.

7. I feel like I am starting to be able to hear what my body is saying to me more.

8. I have a husband who loves me.

9. I have a son who loves me.

10. I am alive.

2012- Week 3

2012-01-23T13:02:00.002-06:00

1. Bryce's job at Tech Crunch got a little bit bigger. He feels more like a part of the team.

2. CD Swap gave me Rolling Stones and Apocalptica (Cellos playing Metallica) this week.

3. Went to the Robie house in Chicago. I think this is one of my favorite Frank Lloyd Wright homes.

4. Named our second baby "Thyne" which was my grandmother's maiden name. It makes us feel like the baby was and is a part of the family. Gender neutral because we don't know the gender. And although it is pronounced "Tine" it makes me think of the phrase "thyne is the kingdom" in the Lord's prayer and allows me to remember where our little one is.

5. Mentor Kenosha Racine inspiration for my after school position and reconnecting with friends from AmeriCorps training.

6. Got to hang out with Mike Andrews, a friend of Bryce's from Cranbrook. He took us to dinner and dessert and a coffee shop, and an art opening with more food. This man has no bottom to his stomach and the most friendly personality of all time.

7. A weekend away in a hotel with only my husband allowed for some great lounging time watching Chopped and House Hunters International and other fun.

8. Co-worker had me over for interior decorating advice. It was fun to have the side of me come to use some times.

9. Watched Opera House's version of Wizard of Oz and have a better understanding for tricks and set design. AND I was able to change the date. Yahoo!

10. Seeing Link again after three days without him.

Public Bathrooms

2012-01-21T00:48:00.000-06:00

I have a thing with public bathrooms and wishing all public venues had the perfect bathroom.
It is not the germs, I have no problem with that, except obvious disgusting waste.

Before I had a Link this was my list:
clean
able to open the stall door without having to stradle the toilet
working lock
no auto flush
warm automatic water
auto soap
waving paper towel roll that does not give too little or too much
covered trash cans
hooks for coats
tray for wallets

Now that I have a Link there are more:
baby changing table a little above waist level that is outside of a stall
a seat for the kids to sit in
a complete ring for a toilet seat, no opening in the front
no super power air dryer
locks above a toddler height

I wish there was an app where you could find out where the kid friendly bathrooms are in a town you are in.

2012- Week 2

2012-01-16T16:42:00.000-06:00

1. Marge Banse had a little party which included Bryce and me as practice for her deep tissue massage. We went to her home and played games with the kids while she did an hour session on one of us at a time.

2. I held auditions and cast the high school musical. We are doing The Wizard of Oz. I was shocked that only 5 girls auditioned.

3. Went to the dentist and had two cavities filled. It was fine, but my bottom jaw was numb most of the day which is always an odd feeling.

4. We had our first real snow, big enough to need shoveling. Still pretty nice outside though. We went out and made snow angels in the dark. All was going well until Link pushed a bunch of powdery snow onto his face a freaked out in a major way. We even made snow ice cream.

5. I had my last Peace Church Council meeting as a board member. I spent two years on the board. Seems to have gone very fast.

6. We went to an Opera House meeting in town. It is always a little weird to hang out with drama nerds who randomly quote lines from dozens of plays and musicals, but the fact that I know from which productions they are talking about makes me one of them, I guess. It is also a great social time.

7. Martin Luther King Jr Day is trying to become a day of service. Through AmeriCorps we talked about ways to be of service. I had the K-2 grade after school program go to the nursing home and assist the older people in their activity for the day, which was making snowmen and penguin out of shoe prints.

8. I watched Max and Mary on Netflix and LOVED it. I came across it randomly. It is a claymation, adult themed movie about a pen pal relationship with a little girl in Australia and a man with Ausburgers in NYC. I cried several times. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Toni Collette do the voices.

9. I went shopping at Maurices. They have a $5 clearance sale. I got 16 new sweaters and tops. New clothes always make me so excited. This time I did make sure to take 16 items out of my closet that I don't wear anymore and donate them.

10. I went with my sister and mom to a bridal show in Decorah. Amber is getting married in September. Filled up on Wedding Cake samples. Also scored some good deals at Goodwill including some lighting for the bathroom for $8 (originally in the $100 range).

2012- Week 1

2012-01-07T13:29:00.000-06:00

I realized I forgot to post my December Top Ten, so this is a mix of December and week one.

1. Holiday Train- included the usual can't find a parking space, going up the river road where you can't turn around in forever, fretting over missing the train, trying to walk around the damn thing, and then joining the crowd in the freezing cold for some rocking songs and a dancing Santa. Link said little in the cold, but talked about Santa on the train the whole way home. Of course he was all smiles until the camera came out. Then he just looked mad.

2. Sadie came back for a week and invited me to a winter solstice party with her. It was a great time for meditation and letting go. It also had a hot citrus drink, which was perfect since I had been craving Russian tea all week.

3. We had a Paducah Christmas this year. We stayed with Ken, Laura, and Landon which was great as Link had a blast playing with Landon and all his toys. It was also nice to get some quality time with Laura. We gave books as Christmas gifts. We got way too many great gifts.

4. On the way back from Paducah we stopped in Metropolis, IL, which is just like 5-10 miles north. We took a picture with Superman and visited all the brightly primary color painted things in the town.

5. Due to so many holidays around the weekends I had very short work weeks. Sometimes only one day at the office.

6. We had an electrician come and do some rewiring in the bathroom so we are steps closer to getting the downstairs bathroom done.

7. I had another photo shoot, this time with a cow!

8. Celebrated New Years at Dani and Todd's. I feel asleep while putting Link down after the new year and woke up the next morning to a big breakfast by Dani.

9. We are being considered for housing grant of around $40,000. Only six homes in Elkader will get chosen. Our fingers are crossed.

10. Cleaned the bath tubs.

2012 Goals

2012-01-01T20:58:00.000-06:00

Lifestyle Changes
~~1. Buy 99% of meat and eggs from local sources~~
2. Make 99% of all our bread
3. Replace a household cleaning product with a self made
4. Make a worm tea bin or get a compost machine
5. Plant a bigger garden
6. Buy/eat only locally grown vegetables
7. Trade out non-stick pans and plastic spatulas for iron, stainless steel
8. Can vegetables or make jam
9. Replace a bathroom product for a natural fragrance free product
10. Learn to make cheese
11. Look in the fridge/pantry and pick something to make from scratch instead
12. Switch something buying from store to co-op bulk

Professional Goals
1. Use credit at Photo Pro in CR
2. Make a new photography brochure
3. Become a home vendor of a product
4. Print t-shirts
5. Choose a wholesale company to partner with
6. Read the Barbra Winter's Book Again
7. Finish the Art Punks website and get it up
8. Create an art chair
9. Start a day care
10. Create a play area for day care
11. Finish children's book
12. Publish children's book

House Goals
~~1. Have electrical done in the bathroom~~
2. Plaster and paint bathroom
3. Plaster and paint kitchen
4. Roof the house
5. Clean siding and put up shutters
6. Have ceilings done
7. Have floors done
8. Strip the wood
9. Fence in play area for day care
10. Paint/Seal the basement
11. Put bathtub upstairs
12. Set up a better recycling area

Financial Goals
~~1. Record expenses again~~
2. Don't buy anything in Prairie du Chien
3. Do taxes and get refund
4. Have credit card below $8000
5. Create a will or revocable trust
6. Set up a Roth IRA/retirement
7. Put $3000 in Link's savings account
8. Pay off $6000 in college loans from AmeriCorps
9. Cut one of our biggest monthly expenses in half
10. Have credit card below $6000
11. Learn about the stock market
12. Give to a charity

Random goals without a timeline
1. Read the Grant Wood book and visit locations
2. Read the El Kader book and write play
3. Make a photo album from high school stuff
4. Make a photo album from college stuff
5. Get Lasik
6. Take a sister's day trip or vacation
7. Go to Amy's Scrapbooking Saturday and do paper crafts
8. Get a dress pattern and sew own dress
9. Take piano lessons again
10. Go to a Quaker meeting in Decorah
11. Visit the Mosque in Cedar Rapids
12. Bike at least once a week
13. Improve time in the Bix or run the Quick Bix
14. Take dance lessons and perform in the dance reunion
15. Plant Link's placenta and possibly a tree
16. Enter a project at the county fair
17. Learn to do my own taxes
18. WWOF in Australia
19. Go to the Duqubue museum of art

Why I'm Joining Occupy

2011-12-16T11:26:00.001-06:00

If I could time travel back to any time period, it wouldn’tbe that long of a trip. I adorethe 1960s, in particular the hippie generation. I feel I understand more of the hippie philosophy than myown parents who lived through the time period. Ask them what a hippie is and they will tell you about bell-bottomsand marijuana. Ask me what ahippie is and I will tell you about the rebellion of generation against astructured environment where gender, race, and religion all had roles to play. The hippie generation broke down wallsby visibly caring about all people. They protested against hatred and violence done to those outside oftheir circle, made love across party lines, and strived for a world where everyonewas accepted, to the point of even creating mini-versions of those worldsthrough communes.

I use to get upset with my parents who didn’t participate inthe movement to the extent that I would have like to. An activist at heart I have tried my best to be a hippie inthe 21^st century. Imarched against the war in Iraq, spent nights on the street with homeless,visited communes, cared for future generations by helping sustain the earth’shealth and even own bell-bottoms.

I am constantly aware of my generation’s lack of reaction tothe country we live in. Constantlywondering why we are content to go about playing games online rather thanvolunteering to help others in worse situations or spending time with ourchildren. I am also constantlyaware of movements that spring up. I suppose I have a fear that someday my children will look back as sayto me, “Mom, you were alive when people were protesting this, what was yourrole?” and my response will be “I wore bell bottoms.”

So that brings me to the current movement in which mygeneration is finally finding a voice. Occupy. For the first fewmonths I ignored Occupy simply because the media made it seem like the movementmade no sense. However I recentlystarted paying more attention and one does not need a briefing on the movementto realize what the movement is about. I need only look at one protest sign and see that my generation isfighting for our future, to eliminate the gap between rich and poor, to securea safe retirement, to fight against corporations running a government of the people. These Occupiers may not be creating communes and lighting up (or maybethey are), but they are protesting, which is one of the most visible ways tocreate awareness. It is sayingsomething with your whole body.

Today I am ready to join. I am sorry I am late.

Link lingo

2011-11-28T17:30:00.000-06:00

[by Bryce and Shannon]

"I lego sit the red." = "I'm going to sit on this lego box with a red lid."

On seeing a photo of a mermaid- "She has shells on her nurse-some-mores."

Putting a ball under his chin- "I'm a nutcracker."

Link is currently playing hide and seek with Bryce. He totally picked up saying "Pst" as a hint to where you are and is doing it each time he hides.

Link's current favorite songs are:
Where is thumbkin (aka pumpkin)
The wheels on the bus
If your happy and you know it
Doe a deer

My favorite outfit right now is a snoopy shirt and vest we had in a box that we found a little to late. It is 18 month and a little short in the sleeves but so cute.

Top Ten- 3rd week November

2011-11-27T19:22:00.000-06:00

1. We took link to see Puss in Boots. He was not familiar with the character but he knew Humpty Dumpty so he was excited about him. This was the first 3D movie that we have taken Link to in which we bought him a seat and glasses (he was a babe in all the others). He kept his glasses on until the last 15 minutes. He did great and Bryce and I really enjoyed the film. Very funny.

2. We put the Christmas Tree up. Probably can't tell this far away but we are doing a "Grinch" theme this year. Link and I made several of the ornaments using Grinch punch outs and stickers.

3. Thanksgiving included great food at Amy and Rex's house and time playing Michael Jackson Experience on the Kinnect.

4. Although it was nice to wear my engagement ring for a week, it is nice to have my wedding ring fixed and back on my finger.

5. Everyone in my family has been anticipating something in the Navigator to rust out. It finally did and we broke an axel in the process. Fortunately we were about 3 miles from my parents house going to visit them, so it wasn't a big deal. Good thing we got that other car last week.

6. A lot of worry this week about my dad, his future, and the dangerous situations he puts himself in.

7. Last year I bought this thing at a garage sale. A few weeks ago I learned you can cook in them. So I tried it today. We had pork chop casserole. Really good. No big difference in taste. It was fun to do though.

8. Slow Death by Rubber Duck I'm reading this book and I like it as much as I thought I would. I am already planning ways to help de-pollute myself and my family. Currently tossing all children's "Flame resistant" pajamas, slowly getting rid of teflon pans, and looking for "fragrance" as an ingredient in products.

9. Last crop of Brussel Sprouts from the garden. They are tiny (that is a teaspoon) but boy are they big on flavor. We have harvested them 3 times this year from a total of 4 plants. I am very happy with the results and it was fun to see how they grow on the stalk. (Our slow bolt lettuce also just bolted!)

10. Making goals for the new year.

Top Ten- Nov 13

2011-11-21T09:21:00.001-06:00

1. My parents bought us a second car. I guess they were sick of having to accomidate when I was at work and they wanted Bryce. It is a 1984 Buick Cavalier. No cup holders, cruise control, or power windows, but it drives incredibly well, has low gas mileage, low miles, and has good heat and air.

2. Steve's Birthday. Had an outing with friends on Saturday night. Went to Steuben for prime rib and out to some bars. Not as much dancing as the Rasmussens' anniversary, but it was still a lot of fun.

3. We have a new vendor at Whimsy Market. Reality Check from Dubuque brought over body jewelry, bead to make your own accesories, hats, gloves, and sunglasses. They are a custom skateboarding and snowboarding shop and plan to bring over some of those big items in the future.

4. Link is really into his shapes right now. Everywhere we go he asks for the triangle pizza and he points out any octagon he sees, which of course is usually a stop sign, but he found some without stop on them the other day in a craft store.

5. Schera's Art Gallery opened for a show a couple weeks ago. Great paintings by Ben Moore of Decorah, a show of newly illustrated record album covers called 33.3, and a few of Bryce's older works as a last minute addition. There was a fun opening reception and it makes our shop look better than being by a vacant.

6. Tribute to Charles at the Museum Annual Holiday Party. I love Charles. He wrote for me at the paper, he volunteered teaching art with me at the elementary, he birthed one of my favorite friends (Leslie Schiller) and now he is preparing for the end of his years as he has terminal cancer (and he is in his 90s I think). He is still a super active community member walking the streets of Elkader. I learned a lot about his life as his friends toasted him at the party (he has been President of the Museum in Elkader since he moved here from teaching at Laguna Beach High School). Amazing life, lots of travel and fun.

7. I returned to work last Monday which has been pretty good. I certainly missed my daily drives over the Mississippi River. The river rejuvenates me and seeing it go through the seasons is so beautiful. Now that we are entering a time of low temperatures I get to slowly watches as it starts to freeze over.

8. Brenda visited this week to see how I was doing and check my iron. We shared several tears, but it was great to see her. She is going over to Africa for three months to serve as a midwife. She is super excited and I am for her too.

9. Pinterest.com. Last year I searched the internet over for an online scrapbook. I was realizing I was no longer tearing from magazines, but saving folders of images online and I didn't want to print them out. I recently heard about Pinterest and it is exactly what I wanted and it is perfect.

10. John Craig has an art show up at my office. He is a local Crawford County Wisconsin artist and does some really great collages. Most people in my generation know him because he did the cover of "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness." I try to find as many reasons to go down to the mail room that I can just so I can take in more.

11-11-11 Lucky?

2011-11-11T15:49:00.001-06:00

This morning I stepped in a big goppy mess of cat poop. So I thought it was going to be a bad day. But then I remember some ubsered article I once read about John Lennon's superstitions and how he stepped in cat poop daily for luck.

Then today I took Link out for lunch and in a restaurant all to ourselves a former employee of mine from the newspaper walked in. I was a little nervous because when she left she left abruptly to go work with a competitor and left a nasty note about all my faults as a boss. She looked at me, pulled up a seat next to me, said hi to Link and then "I have been meaning to tell you this for the past three years but we have never run into one another except in passing. I felt like I was treated like crap at the newspaper, not by you and Bryce but by the higher up, then I went to work for [other place] and they were exactly the same. I wanted to say you are an inspiration to me because every time I see you, you're smiling, and I am sure you have been dealt the same crap that I have and you are still smiling while I carry big chips on my shoulder."

Top Ten Returns

2011-11-07T21:24:00.003-06:00

I started this two days before the miscarriage. I was recapping September and October. Obviously things have changed dramatically, but I still want to record these past parts of my life, so I left things in.

1. I was pregnant for 13 weeks. It was a total surprise. I loved it and was scared to death of the possibility of raising two little ones. I was very happy to have conceived without fertility medication. The loss of our child still hurts but we are gaining strength through the love of family and friends.

2. The after-school program I set up as part of my AmeriCorps VISTA job took off and I was able to start working from home more to help with health during the pregnancy. Now I'm back into home mode and have no ambition to return to work, despite the fact that I loved the people I worked with, the work I did, and the paychecks. I just miss being with my family. I'm not sure what lies ahead for me, even at the end of this week when I am to return.

3. I was 1 of 8 contestants in the KCTN Pork Cook-Off. I thought it must because they had few entries, but they said they had 50 or so. I made bbq pork sushi. We also had to do a place setting. I didn't win 1st-3rd prizes, but each participant got 1/5 of a hog which was nice.

4. We finally got our tax return. Just in time for Christmas shopping.

5. I was in a musical at the Elkader Opera House called Working. I had a name and lines and singing parts. I loved it. It was a lot of work, but tons of fun.

6. My uncle's Lee and Randy asked me to photograph their wedding. I was so blessed, happy to see them married in the church since I knew Lee was dealing with feeling unloved by God years ago when he first came out to me. I hope they have a life of happiness.

7. My niece, Ella, was born the day after our babe was. We have yet to meet her, but we will soon. My family threw a baby shower a couple of weeks ago. I was put in charge of games and soon realized I was basically in charge of the day. I bought this great little owl hat and sleep sack that I intended for our little one, but passed it along.

8. My sister Amber completed her stay with us. Landscaping is basically over for the year. She is making plans for her wedding next year and I love helping her get ready. I took engagement photos in October.

9. My vegan family members can excuse themselves from reading this #. This weekend we went to the deer open house which was a sampling at a locker of what they could do when you process deer there. It was basically a free pyramid of meat, no sides. The maple glazes links were amazing.

10. We missed Halloween (which is my absolute favorite holiday) but my mom took Link trick-or-treating for the first time. He was the Flash but kept calling himself Lightning McQueen (He must have seen Cars at Grandma's house). We did enter the pumpkin decorating contest at Osborne Heritage Days again. Bryce took a prize based on lack of participation by adults. Link didn't get anything, but still did a great job with his pumpkin. Bryce's 2nd place pumpkin is the tiny thing beside the mummy, he did it on the way there with a sharpie.

2011-11-07T20:53:00.000-06:00

We were at the pork cook-off and Link saw a man wearing a cowboy hat and boots. He said, "Cowboy!" and then, to the man, "hello, partner!" Either he didn't hear Link or didn't want to play along, so there was no response.

Moving On

2011-11-04T09:25:00.002-05:00

After a month of telling Link there was a baby in mama's belly and not thinking her understood last night he came up to me and said "Baby in the belly, mama?" I said no, the the baby had moved on. "Oh," he said, "baby in your nose?"

As much as I have wanted to move on, it is still almost as hard. Link's "Big Brother" hat is packed up as well as the maternity clothes, the bleeding has stopped, the baby is returned to earth.

The results are in, or not

2011-11-02T19:36:00.001-05:00

After I wrote my story this morning Bryce told me I had an message on my phone from the hospital. It was "the other doctor" calling to say that I indeed have antibodies, if I ever got pregnant again to call a specialist immediately, and God Bless. I am not sure he really understood the devastation this news brought to me and my family. In one moment several dreams vanished from my life 1) being a surrogate mother 2) completing a live birth at home 3) even the possibility of having more kids. I am unsure of how willing I would be to go through multiple traumas to have another child.

I lost it. Bryce called Brenda.

Brenda was optimistic however and told Bryce to help me calm down. She said she would call my main doctor because she just didn't think that this result was correct. I had not had any trauma during my first pregnancy that would have caused Link and my blood to mix, and I had gotten the shot immediately after delivery. Moira also called with the same information and letting me know she has many mom's who don't get the rhogam shot at all, that are RH- and are fine.

A few hours later I got a call from my main Doctor (Schwartz). He gave me a gigantic apology for his colleague. He said that because I had a rhogam shot just 10 days before the antibody check that there would of course be antibodies in the body. It is like getting a vaccination for something and then checking a day later to see if there was a vaccine in you. The test should not have been taken for up to three months after I took the rhogam. So spirits are lifted, except for the fact that I might get the same result in three months. Let's pray that I do not.

Birth of our Seond Child- A miscarriage

2011-11-02T11:34:00.002-05:00

I've been looking around the internet for stories of miscarriage bu not finding any. Instead I find extreme ignorance and rude remarks like people thinking women are lying because they saw the baby at a few weeks or the stupidity in hospitals treating babies under 20 weeks as medical waste. So I guess not sharing makes sense, it is a hard thing to go through, but reading others stories and sharing mine is how I process and move on so I don't mind.

As I reported already I was spotting throughout the pregnancy and my midwife told me that it could be a miscarriage in process. I went on a roller coaster ride of not believing her. For instance I didn't buy more prenatals though I was running out in case I didn't need them, but I shared the news right away that we were having a baby because last time pregnancy went so smoothly.

On Saturday evening around four I started spotting again but it didn't stop. Link was in the bathroom with me and said "Did you pee your pant's mama?" I told him no but started to cry. He gave me a hug and kiss and tried tickling me to feel better. I told him the baby in my belly was not doing well and he kissed my belly.

I called Brenda, my midwife right away. She told me to lie down, eat warm soup, drink lots. She and Moira (midwife #2) called me periodically to check on me telling me they were holding me in prayer and to see how I was doing. I was getting progressively heavier, but there were no signs of cramping or neausea so I was still presuading myself that it wasn't happening. I put my hands down on my uterus. I asked the baby to kick like it had just seven days early (a big hearty one at the top of my uterus). Nothing. In fact I noticed something that I had been noticing a little bit over the last few days, the life energy that I had felt early was not there. I think some pregnant women know what I mean and Bryce does too. When the baby was alive it almost felt like I could feel it's heart beat and once I asked Bryce to put his hands on my uterus and see if he knew what I meant. He did and said "Well, I can't feel the heart beat but there is something like a vibration there."

I didn't sleep. Early in the morning I passed a 2 inch blood clot. I told Bryce to call Brenda. She had me save it and asked if I was light headed and to keep drinking. Around 5 I had Bryce all my mom and she and Amber came and picked up Lincoln. At around 6 I lost a blood clot the size of a baseball. As I was sitting on the toilet with Bryce in front of me I felt my vision and hearing going and told Bryce I was going to faint. He caught me and the next thing I knew Bryce had put me on the floor with my feet up on the toilet. Bryce had called Brenda and she walked him through the process. She also said it might be a good time to call our family doctor and get his opinion. One of the greatest things about our midwives is they can help you so much and they know exactly when they are at a point that might go beyond their skill set (like blood transfusion, etc.) One of the greatest things I love about our family doctor (also the doctor who helped Link be born) is that he trust my midwives so much and likes to avoid any unnecessary medical procedures out of the way. Bryce called him and after asking things like my color and fluids, etc, he said "No, don't bring her in." He knew that there may be a routine d&c which was not going to be necessary and that the miscarriage was completing itself as many do.

After I got back to bed I started having mild contractions. Everyone thought with such a big blood clot passed that I most likely had the baby so this was a good sign that my uterus was clamping down. I wanted Link back to nurse as I know that right after birth a nursing baby can help with this. I continued until about 10:15. When I went to the bathroom another blood clot left, this time falling in the toilet with a littlle bit of a heavy sound. It was hard to see in the darkness of the blood at the bottom of the toilet but my heart was telling me that the baby was there. We found a utencil to help bring the clot up and there was the baby still in the sack with umbilical cord and everything. Though translucent skin showed the brain, heart, and eye I thought our little one was so beautiful. Bryce placed the baby in a plastic bag and in the fridge. We were hoping to later find out a gender, but we never did. On Tuesday we buried the baby in our yard and planted bulbs above the little one. Hopefully they come out in spring, maybe May, right when our little one was to appear.

On Monday we went to the hospital. Our doctor was thinking I might need another rhogam shot. We were not able to get to see our doctor, but another one at the clinic and although nice he made me feel uneasy. He checked me and said my cervix was closing which is good. But he didn't know if I needed a rhogam shot, called the ob on call and decided not to. Then he had us take an antibody test to see if I am RH sensitive and went on to describe the horrors this will be if we are. We are waiting on the results this morning. It is a 1% chance, but if we are according to this doctor all our future pregnancies will be super high risk, needing blood transfusions for the baby throughout the pregnancy and possibly delivering at Mayo in Rochester. Still birth and miscarriage, and incredibly sick kids are all on the docket because my blood may have developed an antibody to fight off any baby with a positive blood type and being that 85% of the US population is positive this is most likely what I will have.

Life didn't happen

2011-10-30T13:59:00.002-05:00

I had a miscarriage this morning.

First Midwife's Visit = First Doctor's Visit

2011-10-21T19:57:00.000-05:00

My midwife Brenda came for a visit yesterday. It was good to talk about all the small things I have been thinking about this pregnancy as well as the big. One big thing is the reason that I didn't think I was pregnant that is still present, blood. Brenda was kind, but told me what need to be said. Either I am having a miscarriage and in that case, there is nothing you can do or I am not. She "perscribed" me 800 i.u. of Vit E to help with embedding in case that is one of the reasons I am losing blood. She also had me call my hospital ob for a rhogam shot since I am RH-. I called this morning and was immediately asked to come in so that occupied my day today.

I am currently setting up a way to work my AmeriCorps job from home. I feel like it can very much be done, but I am afraid of upsetting the people I work with who I have a good relationship with. My boss is great and so are my co-workers. I am excited to see Link more. Already I am noticing things I didn't see him do yet because I usually spend only 4-5 hours a day with him. Like how he goes and gets a child's chair to wash his hands and new words he says like "really tasty." I also noticed that somebody took him to a fast food place without my knowledge because when we stopped by one after the hospital visit he kept crying to me for a sip of his shake and I don't get shakes.

Short stuff

2011-10-18T21:45:00.001-05:00

• For the past several months, Link has been calling me "Superdad". Lately, at times, it sounds more like "Soup Dad".

• One day all Link's toys who are people were in a teary mood. Crying cowboy, crying Batman, crying Abraham Lincoln...

• A frequent conversation between Link and any number of his toys goes like this: "That one?" "No, that one." "That one?" "Yeah, that one."

• Instead of "excuse me", Link says "goom-see" (always at appropriate times, though - very politely).

Boys' Names

2011-10-14T20:56:00.002-05:00

We have a girl's name picked out. Carrying it over from the last pregnancy. However we used our boy name and we are having problems picking another. Not that it will influence anything, but I was wondering your thoughts. If you want to leave a comment saying which name you like and why we would dig that. Please keep your comments to yourself if you think one is weird or you don't like it. If we do end up naming our child that we will always think of the comment you made and never let you touch him. So here it goes:
Simon
Ikarus
Jasper
Miro
Vincent
Briar
Miles
Graham
Elliot

So Life Happened

2011-10-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

So life happened, a lot over the last two months. I started working at the Extension Office in Prairie du Chien as part of AmeriCorps VISTA. The job is full time and very self motivated. It was a little hard to get into the flow that I had goals that I had to make and deadlines I had to make, etc, but I rather enjoy it and can see how this job will help polish my skills that carry into running my own business. I also opened up a shop in Elkader called Whimsy Market. It is a retail store of all kinds. We have furniture, gifts, clothes, cloth diapers, kitchenwares, etc. So far people love it and we have been doing tremendously. I'm not sure how much of it is "new store in town" mentality, but people keep leaving saying "I need to bring my sister, aunt, brother, etc in" so we feel positive about it.
I am also in the musical at the Elkader Opera House. We are doing working. Tonight is night three of performance. We have 7 total. It is my first time with a name, lines, and singing. I am getting great comments from the casting directors and feel like I have finally proven myself. I suck at auditioning so it really took luck to get a position where I can show that I do have some talent. One of the casting directors told me last night that I stick out during group numbers like a shinning star. That really made my night.
So then comes the bigger news. After a few weeks of feeling like my insides was going to explode, having no energy, and having a very irregular period (spotting every couple of days) I convinced myself that I needed to go get checked to see if I had cancer. I had been talking to my friend whose husband had cancer and is fully recovered. She said his calf felt tight like it wouldn't release. I thought that sounded similar to my stomach. Just to be sure I took a pregnancy test which I thought would of course be negative since I was still bleeding, but there it was in bright blue "PREGNANT."
I am happy, we are all happy, but it a very big surprise. My AmeriCorps VISTA job is a year long with only 10 days off and must be done the full year (August 16 my end date) in order to get the $6000 loan repayment. It makes me wonder about continuing the job, but I really like it, the people I work with, the extra income, the creative outlet that I was depressed about before. I also probably won't be going out for the musical next year, even after getting my break this year.
The positives I am looking at is that in not realizing I was pregnant I am almost through my first trimester and therefore the sickness will probably be gone soon. Woohoo! I also am very happy my body figured out how to conceive without meds. I really wasn't concerned about getting pregnant because I thought for sure I would need to take medication again. And it is not like we are in a bad place to have another child. Lots of people have second children when their oldest is 2 or 3. I just had always planned on 5. I also am having trouble thinking about Lincoln. It is hard for me to conceptualize loving any child more than him, but someone told me your heart just grow more with each child, so that is good.
Since I have found out I am pregnant I haven't had any bleeding at all and my doc and midwife said that sometimes it just happens with the second child a little more. I do have other signs, super similar to my first pregnancy. I am completely exhausted. I have terrible baby brain, often forgetting costuming during shows. I am craving the same foods- noodles with butter and gas station hamburgers- i know gross right. I am clumsy. I am sick to my stomach all the time.
Link doesn't realize anything about the baby, but he is probably enjoying the milk coming in. He will have a new baby cousin next month so he will get to experience having a younger sibling through Diana's eyes for a while before ours comes.
We are all a little sick this week. Soar throat and upset stomachs. Link had diarrhea last night and when he went to flush the toilet he said "look mom, chocolate milk poop."

August Top 10

2011-08-28T21:01:00.001-05:00

So, as I said I could hardly blog let along think about anything else, but now things are in motion and all is working out.
Here is my top 10 for the month

1. A great weekend in Rochester, MN with Liz, Lew, Dani, and Todd (plus families). We went to the lake a couple miles down the road and had a great party with amazing ribs and great beer and karaoke that everyone got in on.

2. The garden is in bloom and we have been eating the produce. Today we tried our hand at some preserving and made our first batch of spaghetti sauce to freeze.

3. What Not to Wear. It started with watching a marathon in the hotel room my first night and has continued as I have found full episodes of youtube. I am getting so much out of my wardrobe by combining things I never have before. It is fun and I feel really professional.

4. AmeriCorps Training. I was in a fabulous hotel with fabulous food and surrounded with a majority of 23-28-year-olds who had no idea that I was older then them and had the same personalities that social justice seeking networkers have. So everyone was welcoming and caring.

5. I took an HDR class which I was slightly disappointed with, but then I went home and started messing around with Photoshop and found an HDR aspect so now I can do some of the effect on the senior photos I have been taken recently.

6. I started my job and I like it. I am gone a lot, but I like what I do and so far the people I work with. I have been getting compliments on what I have already accomplished.

7. I went to a Rotary Club meeting and I really enjoyed it. I am interested in becoming a Rotarian, but it seems slightly pricey and I need to find out a lot more about the organization.

8. Good Movies. Bryce and I went to see Captain America which was pretty good. I also went to see The Help when I was in Chicago at training. I went with someone who read the book and they said both were great. I liked the movie so I will probably read the book now.

9. Sushi with the Hefels. Baby Coos and Stella included. I am very much in love with the Playboy maki.

10. Musical practice is started and coming along. I like the songs I am in and my character is very much like myself so I am excited about it. We are doing Working which is based off the Studs Terkel book. My doula, Karin is in the show with me. I love hanging out with her.

Link's language

2011-08-24T20:54:00.001-05:00

Link has recently made up a word that he uses (I think) whenever he doesn't know the word for something. It sounds kind of like "DUN-duh".

He also, for the longest time, has been using this word that sounds like "food fight" every once in a while, and it's the only thing where we have no idea what he's talking about. Usually we can figure out less enunciated words based on context.

Another thing he's been doing this week is repeat a command on either side of addressing someone, e.g., "Help, Superdad, help!" or "Pick it up, Superdad, pick it up!" (Oh yeah and my name is Superdad; we really don't know where that came from but haven't discouraged it. Sometimes he'll say "Supermama" or "SuperAmber" too.)

Week 22

2011-08-11T21:25:00.000-05:00

1. Bix Race- 10K + 16 friends all dressed as runaway brides + a water slide = extreme fun

2. Finally allowing myself to get on an anti-depressant (thank you to all who are on them that spoke openly to me about them. you really helped)

3. new hair. sort of love hate with the bangs. probably won't be staying long.

Waiting for the Party

2011-08-09T19:37:00.000-05:00

Whenever there is a party, a birthday party, a wedding, a halloween party, I don't want to do anything all day. In fact I can hardly do anything but think about it. I get ready to early, often have to plan my arrival so that I am not the first one there if I don't want to be. The same goes with lots of other transitions in my life. Yesterday I interviewed for a job as a chamber director, a job that I really want and would do well at. I also have been accepted into AmeriCorps Vista, a job that I really want and would do well at. I am weighing the possibilities of taking one over the other, but that is not what is stalling me from doing many other things. I will do one of them and I will start in two weeks. I have known this for three weeks now and I can't do anything. It is a big change in my life. A 40 hour work week after years of none. Waking up to an alarm clock again. Just like an upcoming party I just want it to start. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't do small tasks in the house, I can't blog, I can't talk. I walk in circles and wonder what I should be doing instead of doing anything. I am a wreck.

Week 19-21: Top 10

2011-07-28T00:01:00.001-05:00

1. Re-discovering a park and waterfront in Elkader

2. Black raspberry picking at the farm

3. Durbin family get together in Ohio

(Link's hair looks so Amish in this picture.)

4. Welcoming Coos Hefel to Sadie and Jason and Stella's family

5. A goodbye to friend Denny Eilers

6. Link's Dr. Suess Second Birthday party

7. BLT's with the neighbors (enjoying our garden produce)

8. Watching the world cup in women's soccer

9. Putting diapers and changing table in the attic

10. Date with Bryce to see the last Harry Potter movie

Week 18: Top 10

2011-07-10T17:21:00.003-05:00

1. Party at Delhi with the Giuntas

2. Cleaning the car with the family

3. Putting up shutters on the house

4. My own personal fail blog material delivered to my doorstep

5. Last minute applying for an Americorps position and getting it

6. The Wire (finished the last episode of the entire season and I wasn't disappointed)

7. Link has decided he know longer needs diapers!

8. Fresh lettuce from the garden

9. Arlington Days with the Beatty Family and Friends.

10. Sadie's Blessingway

Week 17: Top 10

2011-06-26T20:18:00.001-05:00

1. A much needed solo vacation. I chose Duluth, MN. It did not choose me. 50 degrees, 30 mph winds, and rain.

2. Painting the front porch with Link.

3. Getting a speaking role in the upcoming Opera House Musical production "Working." A Sondheim, based on a Studs Terkel book.

4. Strawberry Picking for the first time. (In Mabel, MN)

5. "White Trash" Bunco night. I was in charge of food and we had twinkies on toothpicks, cheese wiz, etc.

6. Downtime with Debbie. She took a few days off to build her deck and I got to take up most of her time since it was raining.

7. Visit with the Pedal Powered Family on their bike trip through North America. We went swimming, had lunch at Simply in Prairie du Chien, and then sent them on with love.

8. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

9. Garden is looking better and better with each rain.

10. If you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to- Weezer

Week 16: Top 10

2011-06-21T00:39:00.001-05:00

1. A great visit from Betsy and Jim.

2. Garnavillo Auction Deals- I bought a solid oak round table and chairs for $90 and a bunch of cookie sheets and pans for pennies. The only deal I didn't get was $1.25 for a can of soda.

3. Free ice cream at the bank.

4. Race for a Cure. Link and I went for fun with no agenda. Free music and a jump house. Beautiful walk and name of loved ones I have lost (Michelle Rima and Rick Tibbott) displayed on t-shirts of people I don't even know shows the connections we all have.

5. Adult Hip Hop class where I am learning tutting and booty popping

6. Sadie and Jason came for dinner and Jason made me feel really confident about what I can do with certain areas of the house I was scared to touch. (Like the ceilings and floors).

7. Re-building the front porch with my sister.

8. Biking with a new bike and bike trailer.

9. Realizing Link can count to 10 by himself.

10. Having a nice dinner with the world's best dad and the world's best dad to my child.

Week 14/15: Top 10

2011-06-14T15:15:00.000-05:00

1. Garage sale with mom (she knocked down the street sign in our yard).

2. Going to Dubuque by myself (driving and eating at Crust) and then later with Amber

3. Getting the store painted with Michelle

4. Watching the birds grow up and fly away. We are now empty-nesters.

5. Signs of life in the garden-radishes, lettuce, carrots.

6. Bathing with Link, watching him nurse his squirt toys

7. Tune-yards

8. The annual Sam's Birthday Party and Strawberry Days Parade.

9. Ripping up our porch and putting in a new one.

10. WIC gave me a book for free that I was considering buying from a store anyway.

Link updates

2011-06-06T20:31:00.000-05:00

Starting to love baths.

Loving song and dance.

Has picked up from Diana "How doing? Goud." and "What doing? oOOooohhh!"

Started counting, but just to 2.

Whining A LOT.

From time to time eating green beans right away.

Week 13: Top 10 (-3)

2011-06-02T23:48:00.000-05:00

1. Painting with chalkboard paint

2. The Wire

3. Planted the garden. Which checks one off my 101 to do list. Only 68 more things to do by next May.

4. Making waffles with Link. He decided to crack his own egg, which was fun to watch and a mess to clean up.

5. Filled a sandbox for Link in the raised bed that we didn't end up using.

6. My friend Jasmine came home for a visit and brought along her boyfriend DQ. She scheduled the time with Rebecca Bender and her twins so it was lots of fun and kid entertaining. Link got his hair cut as well.

7. This week is going too fast to think.

Week 12: Top 10

2011-05-22T19:04:00.001-05:00

1. Giving blood again, which I haven't since 2006.

2. Graduation parties of some of my theater kids. Grace had the movie theater catering with my favorite hotdogs.

3. Fish Fry with Friends. Having Link take to playing with the kids immediately. Amazing fish and shrimp, snapping turtles, wheel barrels, hula hoops, and more.
4. Putting empty clothes to resemble a raptured person my pastor's doorstep.

5. Spontanious lunch with Leslie and meeting her friends from San Fransico that are living with them for a year. (Now a 12 person household.) Welcome Evette, Mike, Sophia, Claudia, and Olivia. Yummy pinto bean casserole.

6. Dani's birthday party. Volleyball, campfire, friends, and Bryce took work off!

7. Went to Cedar Rapids to a huge cloth diaper garage sale at Birth, Baby, and Beyond and ended up happening upon the Marion Art Festival.

8. Hearing Link sing "Boom Boom Pow," "Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, Come On," "Riding Solo," and others.

9. Eating ice cream cones with Lincoln, bottom first.

10. Finding a robin nest with babies directly outside the window. (No wonder the cats have been camped there for weeks.)

Week 11: Top 10

2011-05-10T22:31:00.009-05:00

1. Taking a meal to the family of new little baby , Shepard.

2. Mel Bartholomew and his square foot gardening book (which I have renewed 4 times in a row at the library).
3. Playing Noah's Ark with the Bell Choir and wearing rainbow colors.

4. A New Orleans Meal for Mission Fundraiser made by Katrina transplants who live in our town.

5. The color purple. I am really drawn to this color this spring and am adding it to my life in many different ways.

6. Finding a random dance party in Volney and joining in. Someone else's 30th birthday. I don't even know who the guy was but got my 30 year old dance party in.

7. Bridesmaids- the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I really feel like this film created a new genre that was missing in cinema. Chick flicks that are as funny as male comedies, like "The Hangover."

8. Eating, Drinking, and working at The Taste of Dishntunes.com.

9. Two days of summer sun and heat.

10. Getting to say one last goodbye to Abby Dog at the Bruxvoort Colligans.

Week 10: Top 10

2011-05-01T22:12:00.011-05:00

1. Tjep hearts have won my heart.

2. Taking a nature hike with my husband and climbing a tree. (Negative was finding 15 ticks afterwards.)

3. My brother got a job in Independence so he and his family will be closer and Link will get to see more of Diana (who ended up not having pink eye, but just an infection.)

4. I won the $300 weight loss challenge I did with my mom and sister. We pooled our money again to be weighed in November.

5. My sister graduated from college and the event allowed us to see aunts and uncles and cousins and such.

6. I followed through on my first event planning activity. The Tri-State Natural Baby Expo. I had 9 booths, 3 seminars, and 32 participants. I only lost about $100 by over advertising. Added benefit was seeing Joy and Chris (as one of the exhibitors) as well as experiencing my first chiropractic session that I actually like.

7. A "Yes" to the business that my friend Michelle and I are starting in town. A consignment/baby/teen/art store. It is going to be called "Whimsy Market."

8. The Facebook post that helped me make sense of my emotions on the death of Osama Bin Laden.
‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy." - Jessica Dovey
"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."-Dr Martin Luther King Jr

9. Peep Smores. (They taste way better that way.)

10. A sad but good farewell to our tenant, Alex Kann. He had been living with us for 7 months. On Monday we put him on a bus to Branson, MO to live with his mom. But a welcome hello to my sister, Amber, who joins us again as she works in Monona.

Week 9: Top 10

2011-05-01T09:46:00.001-05:00

1. Watching people with Royal Wedding fever.2. The Magnolia Tree in my friend Michelle's front yard. I could smell it a block away and I was in heaven.

3. Bryce's new inspiration to make homemade pizza. (On the new pans his mom gave him.)

4. Central High School Prom next door with the theme of Super Mario Brothers.

5. Bunco Biggest Loser Prize with a Cinco de Mayo theme.

6. Substitute Teaching great kids.

7. Finnish artist Jonna Pohjalainen

8. Taking a canning and freezing class with my mom.

9. An evening at Dani and Todd's with my cousin Liz.

10. Having my very own President crack me up at the Correspondents' Dinner.

Week 8: Top 10

2011-04-25T14:43:00.001-05:00

1. Trying out night driving to Ohio. It worked well. Link slept 9-10 of the whole 11 hours. The rain stopped every time I went to drive so my astigmatism wasn't taxed as much.

2. Boot camp obstacle course.

3. Free coffee at Caribou with own container for Earth Day. And finding this out when I was 1 block away from a Caribou with my own container on Earth Day.

4. An Anthony Thomas Chocolate hand print on my sleeve from eating chocolate bunnies with Link. Yum, that is damn good chocolate.

5. Finding thrift store row in Columbus, Ohio- Goodwill, Once Upon a Child, New Uses

6. Dying Easter eggs with Kate
7. Receiving Friendship Bread from our neighbors and passing it on.

8. Being invited over for dinner from those same neighbors (who we have had for 3 years now and barely know.)
9. Polka Dot Snow
10. Cousin Diana staying for a couple of nights. (That is until we discovered she had pink eye.)

Sentences

2011-04-25T10:34:00.001-05:00

Link has started to say sentences more frequently.
This weekend is:

I'm funny.
It's really cold.
I bumped my head.
I'm drinking a pop. (He really wasn't, but it was funny when he said it.)

Funnies

2011-04-20T19:45:00.004-05:00

Link cried all the way home from his play date "Stelllllllllla" which is the name of his buddy.

Link is obsessed with a video doing French flashcards. He has begun to say "La" before everything he says "La Cat" "La Buzz" "La Lincoln"

People are coming up to Lincoln and saying "Got your nose." So when we were teaching Link how to do a T in sign he looked at it and said "I got my nose!"

"I got you" is a favorite saying when he wants someone to hold on or he needs to hold on to something. Comes from me saying it to him when I first put him on his spring horse.

Link's latest favorite sayings

2011-04-18T12:48:00.003-05:00

Uh Oh, I drop em- when he drops anything

Tight- when he doesn't want his diaper put on.

Ready, Go- when he is ready to run

I gottcha- when he wants you to spot him

Week 7: Top 10

2011-04-18T10:48:00.001-05:00

1. Visiting with Sr Amelia who is my favorite Great Aunt ever. She had a stroke last week, but she was doing awesome when we saw her. No signs of anything.
2. A surprise tax REFUND. We haven't seen one of those in years.

3. Updating the entryway with a hanging light I bought at a garage sale a few years ago. I just recently realized how awesome it would be in this spot. It looks great.
4. Great finds at the CCH rummage sale. Silver chandelier for bathroom $5, apple and worm toy for Link 50¢.

5. Adding a little more Easter to our home. Crafting surprise carrots.6. Dying eggs with natural dyes for the first time. We used berries, onion skins, grass, and cumin. We were most amazed that the red onion skins were a beautiful pink liquid, but the eggs dies this awesome green.

7. Dressing up like 1950 and going to the Lakeside Ballroom dance with Lincoln.
Eating a yummy meal during dance numbers. See more at dishntunes.com

8. Despite never answering me when I ask Link what color something is, today he sits down with his book on colors and reads each page without any help.

9. Reading my friend Claire's blog. I haven't seen her since New Year's Eve when she was pregnant and had little knowledge of what the future held for her family. Now she has a 3 month old with Down Syndrome. The blog is so inspiring, even though it makes me cry after reading each post.

10. An April snow, making me not feel guilty about not having the garden boxes ready yet.

Free Peep Show

2011-04-10T22:20:00.001-05:00

Free Peep Show, originally uploaded by Shannon Marye.

Check out the photos that go with the top 10 lists. Including video of Link trying to juggle and Link giving the cat a huge hug.

Week 6: 10 pieces of life

2011-04-01T18:42:00.007-05:00

1. Planning my garden and purchasing all seed from Seed Savers Exchange. (Plants next week.)
First time on my own. Cross your fingers.

2. A mini-trip to St. Paul -staying with Debbie -Ikea -Breakfast at the Copper Dome
Got this little basket of veggies for Link.

3. Watching bald eagle pips be born on Decorah's live cam. (Beware the loud ad at the beginning.)

4. JoAnna James concert, back in MN. We've missed her while she's been in LA.

5. Cierra, our 4th grade baby-sitter who is amazing with Link.

6.Finding out about Brian Dettmer- Book carving artist

7. "What I am" by Will i Am. Another Sesame Street fave. A song I hope Link will listen to everyday of his life.

8. A great date in Prairie du Chien with Link -Simply Coffee Shop, Prairie Peddler, Monkey Tail, Junipers.

9. Trying great new cocktails at the Aster Cafe such as Ammeretto with Pear Cider and a stick of peanut brittle. And a variety of loose leaf tea cocktails.

10. Attending my first auction, figuring out the system, scoring some great deals.
Like this electric coffee set for $9.

Week 5: 10 pieces of inspiration

2011-03-30T18:27:00.000-05:00

1. Three great wardrobe items from the Dress Barn, all on clearance

2. Suze Orman and her financial steps books- found out we were normal with our spending, though that means we are overspending each month about $500-$1000.

3. High School Musical went amazingly well. People told me it was the best they had ever seen at Central.

4. Family naps in the middle of day with Link and Bryce.

5. Weighed in less than I did on my wedding day.

6. Seeing the Pop-up Book show at the Cedar Rapids Museum. Robert Sabuda and Matthew Reinhart (from Cedar Rapids).

7. Took Link to our favorite Indian Restaurant for the first time and he LOVED it.

8. Was able to see friends Naomi and Casey compete in Acoustic Idol.

9. Finally painted my belly cast from my pregnancy

10. Currently watching Jason Mraz on Sesame Street youtube with Link. He is learning the lyrics a little more each time he listens. He's a great singer. He especially has the "do, do, do, dos" and "no more"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrqF7yD10Bo

Funny little thing called Link

2011-03-25T22:48:00.002-05:00

Link has been doing a lot of funny things lately.
1. Looking for dada saying "Brrrrryce"
2. Talking to his stuffed animals. Naming body parts, holding up to the window and saying what is outside.

Sponge Bob

2011-03-24T12:30:00.002-05:00

Week 4: 10 pieces of inspiration

2011-03-19T20:17:00.001-05:00

1. Finished Making a Living Without a Job and I want to read it again and again

2. Received a "Thank You" note from my pastor at Peace for just being me.

3. Bought a spring horse (that doesn't make sound) from a Facebook friend.

4. Had several items of clothes mended by the school FNCS class for free. Taught them skills and was considered a green initiative (encouraging people to reuse clothes they might otherwise toss).

5. Was contacted by and Algerian photojournalist asking for me to pick him at a train station 4 hours away. I was able to find a way to get him here, sheltered, fed, and photographing all without English.

6. Was able to figure out and use the Cricut (I am borrowing for a friend) and the Yudu (I recently purchased) to help with elements of the musical I am directing.
7. Tried and enjoyed a new position.

8. Got to see one of my favorite people. Scott Farmer, visiting home from Perth, Australia.
To top it off we decided to meet at the St. Mary Fish Fry so I got a yummy meal in too.
9. Attended the St. Patrick's parade this year without working it. (No photographing for the paper, no driving in it, just sit back and relax).

10. Sang in the Karaoke Championship. I didn't win, but I felt I sang two songs better than I ever have before. "Leaving on a Jet Plane" Peter, Paul, and Mary version and "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul.

Link's grocery cart of words

2011-03-16T17:47:00.001-05:00

To give you an update on Link's progress in speech we went shopping yesterday and he said every item I put in the wagon without me saying them. From peanut butter to water.
My current favorite is how he says "Hey Cutie," for some reason Doo Doo sounds like Cutie to him so he replies "Hey doo doo."

Week 3: 10 pieces of inspiration

2011-03-10T10:38:00.000-06:00

1. Mardi Gras Bunco night

2. Drawing trees with my art student, Cookie

3. Discovering artist Jason deCaires Taylor
4. A good musical practice

5. Watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch with skepticism and loved it
6. Judged Storytelling in Speech

7. Was able to have coffee with Brenda to discuss business, gardening, and life

8. Reading Phantom Tollbooth for the first time

9. Fire Station Spaghetti Supper

10. Purchasing a YUDU with my goodblogs money

impressive

2011-03-09T09:36:00.001-06:00

Link can drink from a cup with one hand now.
His new favorite word is happy.
He is starting to take interest in diapers.
We have two girls who are in 4th grade who come over after school to watch Link while we are working. He loves them and they love him.

Week 2: 10 pieces of inspiration

2011-03-01T23:27:00.000-06:00

1. A nice winter night- Watching the ice chunks come over the damn, shoveling verses from the bible in snow all down main street at midnight, snow angels in the middle of the road.

2. Dr. Suess's Birthday Party at the Library. We made a Lorax tree headband before the party. We listened to books and played Suess theme games.

3. My Valentine lilies still in full bloom. (My favorite flower. Good job Bryce.)

4. Cooking with a new herb.

5. Getting Bryce another great Birthday gift: a bike called "The Cranbrook Cruiser"
6. Finished repainting a globe to map out Hyrule from Zelda for Link's room.

7. Entrefest with great seminars and speakers like Bob Clements. Fun creative people with great ideas. Fun creative meals like this mashed potato bar in martini glasses.

8. Trivia dinner at Doug's Pub with Sam and Richard.

9. Shopping dowtown Dubuque- I bought an amazing yellow coat with petal collar and blue suede high heels both amazing and 50% off. I also discovered a toy store with a cool idea for dolls in a nursery.

10. Calling people I haven't called in years and leaving messages of love and talking to two of them.

10 pieces of inspiration

2011-02-21T15:04:00.011-06:00

I'm stealing this idea from another blog I read. Not sure if it will be a regular thing or not, but I like it right now.

10 pieces of inspiration

1. Two great documentaries. Exit Through the Gift Shop and Objectified. Banksy is a new artist on my favorite list. I love art that asks questions and his work hits the nail on the head. I am thinking about what my tag should be and dreaming on going out and painting Elkader. Objectified had some similar artists. I am ready to start making my furniture pieces.

2. The deer finding hidden grass in the snow. I took this photo on my way to Postville to see the film based on the raid in 2008. There are so many fields of deer right now I think they are cattle until I see their tiny little legs.3. The melting snow also means icicles. They have always been one of my favorite parts of winter beauty. They have inspired me to start taking photos again not for professional reasons, but for my own enjoyment.
4. A new outfit. Black Vintage Hat- $6 at Goodwill. Wood Circle Earrings- $8 at Maurices. Vintage Inspired Vest and Rose Shirt and a Golden Rod Skirt from Maurice's Sales Racks- $40.

5. Discovering really good local musicians. Last night we went to a dinner theater that had a pre-show of Chad Elliott. Elliott is a musician and an artist on the side. How is that for a job.
Great music, including a song he wrote for the theater production Peace through Corn.
6. Learning about history in a creative way. Peace through Corn was a dinner theater production about Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev's friendship with Iowa farmer Roswell Garst and his trip to Iowa in which they proposed a way to end the Cold War by making sure everyone has food. The play was extraordinary. In the panel discussion Liz Garst (granddaughter to Roswell and there at the event) was there to talk about the actual meeting and answer questions.
7. Clever ideas that poke fun at computers and design. I sometimes think "Apple Z" when I want to undo something I have just done, like spill something. I love these Copy and Paste shirts for twins.

8. The response I am getting on goodblogs.com The site was created by a friend of a friend. I was skeptical about what the site was actually going to be and was heartbroken when I found out that it was almost a competition. Your posts get votes and if you make it to the front page you get $20. I didn't want to subject my writing to votes, but I went through with it anyway. In two weeks I have had 4 posts make it to the front page. I feel great about it.

9. The Time Traveler's Wife. It has been a long time since I read a good non-fiction book. I saw this movie and I thought it was stupid. But I got the book anyway and I love it. I'm not looking forward to the ending because that was the worse part of the film, but I am hoping that it will unfold a little better, even if it is the same.
10. The blog that inspired me to do this. www.thesimpledollar.com Despite the fact their inspiration is for saving money and mine is for the joy of life.

Two new things

2011-02-20T00:33:00.001-06:00

Link has been starring into space a lot recently. Not sure what that is about.
He also took his pajamas off last night, all by himself.

Play and Fight

2011-02-19T10:20:00.002-06:00

Mom's group has started up again after a Christmas and snowstorm break. Sadie is coming too. We spent Valentine's with Sadie, Jason, and Stella. Link and Stella has a lot of fun together. We ate sushi and I was jealous of Stella's love of veggies and potty training and Sadie and Jason were jealous of Link's ability to drink from a cup and his willingness to share everything. Link does do a good job with playing with others. Unfortunately he attracts kids who want to take things away from him. He is often whining as everything he picks up is ripped out of his hands.
At the last play group though I caught him grabbing at a friends eye pretty hard. He had a time out and had to tell someone else sorry for the first time.
Yesterday when we were at Schera's Link was messing around with some coins, when he came back he was chewing on something. I thought it might be a coin, it wasn't, it was chalk. As I was swiping his mouth he clamped his back teeth down on my finger flesh pretty hard. I finally got him to unclamp with my flesh gone.

Blizzard 2011

2011-02-03T13:36:00.002-06:00

Check

2011-02-01T20:47:00.003-06:00

You may have not noticed the recent checks of the 101 checklist, especially if you read in a reader, but lost have been coming off lately. Yay!

2. Finish paying off my Firstmark Loan was noted on Facebook earlier this month.

17. Have a game night 1x a month has begun via last Friday when I joined a Bunco group also fulfilling a goal I didn't have down, to meet more friend in Elkader instead of the surrounding towns.

35. My big earring wearing days are back now that Link can be trusted to not rip them out of my ears.

43. Sing a Fleetwood Mac song at Karaoke was completed in Nov when I took home second place. Thanks to all who didn't show up so I had little competition and much more confidence.

62. I am in the middle of directing another musical. Thank you Central for hiring me on this one.

66. 30 books have been swapped thanks to paperbackswap.com

90. I think visiting Ohio annually can be checked off the list now that it seems everyone is in the same mindset.

Lincoln updates

2011-02-01T16:08:00.002-06:00

Link is enjoying the following:
Putting things in shoes
Taking pictures of his fingers
Running around without clothes
Stacking things
Putting lids on things

He has excellent vocabulary.
He knew practically every part of his body without us even teaching him. I guess he was listening when people said "I'll get your toes" and such.

He knows how to say all the words he can sign.
We are moving to signing emotions now. He already knows Happy and Sorry. Now we are doing sad and mad.

Golden Opportunity

2011-01-24T18:52:00.001-06:00

I am hesitant to say anything because I don't want to be disappointed if this doesn't happen, but I want to share with you all the amazing opportunity that I have recently had fall in my lap. I am looking into surrogacy and yet still want to have a home birth. In order to maybe make this dream a reality I decided to forgo companies and place some ads in online classified specifically for infertility. I have had quite a few responses.
Lately the most awesome response I got was from a couple in Manhattan. Not only do they seem awesome and totally worthy of parenting a kick ass kid, if we do end up being the right fit for one another, they may possibly help me achieve another dream of mine. The mom is the daughter of one of the midwives on the farm. The Farm that I visited this summer in Tennessee and had told Bryce I wanted to deliver my next child at. The idea that I could be part of one of the original midwives birth stories of delivering their own grandchild through me is blowing my mind right now.
Now I just have to wait and pray that they choose me and that the embryo transfer works. I literally can hardly think of anything else right now. That, plus the income to pay off one of my loans. That is three dreams in one shot. Wow. wow. wow.

Dreams Dashed

2011-01-24T11:36:00.002-06:00

So I wasn't accepted. But the connection gave me hope. I now have more inspiration to put myself out there.
I also had great hope of getting Link into a daycare nearby that is inexpensive and highly recommended. We were also not accepted. Simply because there are not current openings until August.

Bad movies, Bad food, Great time

2011-01-23T18:22:00.002-06:00

I finally went on an artist date. The Artist Way book has been telling me to for over a month now and I haven't made a date. I finally did. It seemed everything was this weekend. I was invited to a lady's night, ask to fill in as a speech judge, thought about attending an auction (another Artist Date I have thought of doing) but in the end I went to the second annual Oneota Film Festival in Decorah. I had wanted to go last year. They had King Corn and Food Inc as films. This year it was bigger and it will continue to be.
I started the day by getting a coffee at Java Johns. I had heard a lot of good things, but never had gone. I was disappointed when I realized the Chai I ordered was Oregon and we have a box of the same stuff at home.
I then went to the festival. Trying to navigate the college, I missed the first film session but got in on The Farmer and the Horse which was about young people my age returning to farming with horses instead of tractors. It wasn't the greatest film but I did enjoy some parts. I like the line where one man said he was a farmer without land. That made me realize I feel like a business owner without a business. Another guy said he romanticised farming so much he might as well go all the way with horses. That was true of him.
I was planing on then attending a movie on bees but I ran into a bunch of friends and we got to talking about schooling and spirituality and such and I ended up going to the film they wanted to see called This Way of Life which was depressing and interesting to see their story, but not motivational or anything. I didn't have time for any more, but I still wan to see Wasteland, Schooling the World, A Small Act, and Ride the Divide.
After the film there was a dinner break and I went to LaRana where Jason, the esteemed cook of Decorah was in the pit. I was super excited to have some of his food. I ordered a mojito and winter squash bruchetta. The mojito was way to strong and the buschetta was only ok. The caramelized pecans were good. So this far in the day I had only disappointing food and movies, but I was still having the most fabulous day. I decided to go to Culver's and get an ice cream and take it to Goodwill to shop. It was delicious and fun to do. When I was done I felt so sick. I have been off carbs all month and all the food I had eaten were loaded. Yuck.
Nonetheless the night was not over. I went to the Toppling Goliath where the Decorah Art Council, D.ART, was having a get together called Beards and Beer. Here we made beards, drank beer (well, I didn't I was done), and took photos in silent film fashion. It was a great time. I didn't know anyone, but I made some great friends. Rose and Tim and I hung out at the beard making table and guess what actor was placed on our back for a good 15 min.
I'm still riding on the fumes of such a great time.

More grown upness

2011-01-13T22:23:00.002-06:00

Link is saying "stinky" and holding his nose.
He also is saying "eww" when picking stuff off the floor.
He took two scheduled naps today, falling asleep with me running my fingers though his hair.

A sudden change of events

2011-01-11T20:38:00.002-06:00

Link just started eating the squash, cabbage, and broccoli we made without complaint today. Yippee. Will it last?

In other news Link has been taking only one, one-hour nap a day. This can't happen. My little sleeper boy needs to sleep. It takes longer than that to get him to sleep. He screams bloody murder for hours or looks perfectly a sleep when we lay beside him and then is wide awake and up the minute we get off the bed. Help.

2011-01-10T09:30:00.002-06:00

I think Link is allergic to blueberries. Another barf bed. But he doesn't seem sick. He is currently dancing to music.

Adult Lincoln

2011-01-05T19:22:00.004-06:00

Lincoln has always wanted to do the adult version of things. He always tried to climb the steps with his feet rather than crawling but it never worked, until recently. Now he holds the railing and goes one step at a time. He always wanted to use a fork andhe quickly learned how to do that. But now he realizes using his hands is easier and has reversed. His talking sounds more grown up all the time. My favorite word he says right now is "Stew".
Today he begged for a sip of pop so I gave him a sip thinking the carbonation might be too much. He gave a crazy face so I said "Yuck?" and he said "Yuck." Then after eating a bit more he asked for more pop by saying "Yuck, please."
At dinner the past few nights Link has been grabbing both my and Bryce's hand (on either side of him) and putting our hands together. He loves seeing Bryce and I hold hands.

Here you go

2010-12-31T10:51:00.005-06:00

So I was wrong about "no" being the most hated word Link has learned. It is "tv", especially when "tv" means only one video that he wants on continually just for background noise. I don't delik it though. It plays classical music and has taught link how to pat his tummy and head and march in place. Link loves to have music on and dance. Along those lines we also introduced Link to a computer game he loves. http://www.zefrank.com/snm/index.html

Other words he has picked up recently include adding words to his signs such as "more" and "up". He says "Op" for open and "Doh" for down. He also has his first sentence. He loves to say "Here you go." It sounds a lot like "Thank you" which is his favorite thing to say. He also has learned to sign "sorry", possibly from all the time on the time out chair recently. Others used more correctly are baby, mama, dada.

We are working hard at scheduling meals and eating good food. He did terrible at lunch and then excellent at dinner. I think he was really hungry since he refused lunch. (Same food even.)

New skills that he has learned that we have to keep an eye on is opening dresser drawers and flushing the toilet. He also like to wipe things up with a rag. He loves sledding and we use a pull along sled to go down town now instead of the stroller. We have to take the alleys because they are not shoveled.

What keeps up going- Link is almost all smiles and laughter.
What brings us down- The past two nights he has been up screaming from 3-6 am.

I have been busy with some new things. I have begun work as a midwife assistant and will attend my first birth in January for an Amish couple nearby. I got a small job as a paid blogger for a company that will launch end of January. And I have been organizing and cleaning our entire attic. A new roof goes on this year and I'm assuming a clean attic would be helpful in that situation.

New Years Goals

2010-12-29T15:07:00.000-06:00

Body Goals

1. Be able to buy a pair of pants at Target that fit.
2. Be able to wrap a towel all the way around me after a shower.
3. Be able to meet the requirements for surrogate motherhood.
4. Win the $300 from our family challenge.

House Goals (Focus Outside)

1. Get a new roof
2. Put up shutters
3. Fix front porch floor
4. Clean the siding

Spiritual Goals

1. Complete The Artist Way
2. Spend time with God consistently (meditate, pray, art, etc)
3. Visit a Quaker Gathering in Decorah
4. Visit Laura's church in Lansing

Financial Goals

1. Pay off Firstmark Loan
2. Get my credit card to $5,000 or less
3. Start a Roth IRA
4. Create another income source of my own

Work Goals
1. Complete a website for artpunks
2. Complete 4 issues of publication
3. Start a bookkeeping program for taxes

Experiences Goals

1. Visit four or five more states
2. Plant a garden
3. Learn to can
4. Welcome my third decade with something big

Vegetable Trials

2010-12-27T16:04:00.003-06:00

The one food group Link avoids is vegetables.
So here is what we have tried:
1. Preparing different ways (steam, saute, boiled)- fail
2. Hiding behind meat on a fork and feeding him ourselves- moderate
3. Chopping very very small- moderate
4. Dipping in sauces- fail
5. Vegetable juice- fail
6. Wrapping chopped veggies in a tortilla shell with hummus- moderate
7. Dried veggie chips- moderate
8. Putting half a corn on the cob on a pick and letting him eat it like a Popsicle- success
9. Putting in soup- moderate
10. Bribing with dessert- fail
11. Cooking in lots of butter- fail

I wasn't surprised by the corn, it is more the green vegetables he has a problem with. Any other suggestions?

Moms

2010-12-22T22:34:00.002-06:00

Christmas with my mom's family this past weekend was pleasant. My favorite gift for Link was a wood pounding bench. Gifts have been pouring in through the mail this week. Which has been fun. Bryce got a much desired coffee pot from his parents (thanks a bunch) and Link looks adorable in a new hat from Phil and Teresa and family. Take off the hat and you will also see a newly shorn head. Link's curly locks are chopped. My friend Bobbi is a hairstylist and helped me through the process. On the way to the house I had to drive through an unplowed gravel road with no trees or road markers to guide me. It was seriously like driving on a piece of white paper and hoping you were on a path. Link played with her sons Jarret and Maddox. Jarret is a couple years older than Link. When Bobbi asked him if he remembered Link's name he said yes, it was "Bacon." They played with the kitchen and read books together. Maddox is a year younger and is exploring his world, trying to be as mobile as possible. We had a cookie swap this year with mom's group this year. I think we will try again next year to with a bit more awareness. I think we were all doing something original and made peppermint cookies. Sadie informed us she was with child #2. (Stella is Link's best bud.) Paula is only days away from having her new one. I am sending energy and light her way as she is attempting a VBAC with a new doctor, my doc, Dr. Schwartz. I recommended him and she really likes him. Here is a beautiful birth experience.

Losing it

2010-12-17T11:46:00.002-06:00

I'm starting to loose that frugal edge. Maybe it is the Christmas season where there are just too many deals to pay attention to or maybe the triple coupon deal was so good nothing can compare anymore. Or maybe my brain just taking a break.

I have been super busy this month. Musical Auditions (I'm directing Footloose again), currently working with 5 design clients, taking photos, Schera's gift shop, shoveling snow, etc. The nice thing in the paychecks. After finding out how much I would make with the Musical I decided I would put the entire thing toward one of my student loans that is almost finished. However, I have been so motivated I've been putting all my earnings into it and it will actually be all paid off before play practice even begins. So Musical money can go toward my credit card.

My credit card makes me sad. Two months before Link was born I had paid off my entire bill (which had wedding expenses as well as a couple trips to Europe). Then I quit the newspaper and didn't adjust to having a couple thousand less a month right away. In fact, I didn't adjust for about 7 months. So 7 months with a couple thousand on credit added up reaaaaaly fast. Fortunately I am still in the single digits.

Noise and No

2010-12-15T22:03:00.003-06:00

Link is loving noise. He hits three noise making toys all at the same time whenever he is watching a tv show with music. He also loves to turn the music off and on and watch us freeze motion.
He laughs all the time. Which is so funny.
He is really into saying "No" right now. A little unsettling, but we are glad he is able to tell us what he wants and doesn't. His biggest "No" is to diaper changes and bed time. No news there. He use to cry and now he just says no. Oh and throws a fit. Were working on that.
Still working on naps and veggies. Our two biggest challenges.
Currently 10 pm and Link is spinning in circles and laughing. He is also putting his head down to sleep but saying no to offers. He is starting to say no to the tempting "nurse" too. This is sad for me, but happy for my nipples.
Now he just grabbed a favorite book and is saying to Bryce "Uh Oh Day Day" which is exactly the book he is picking up "Uh Oh David." He is one smart cookie.

Update

2010-12-10T22:53:00.001-06:00

We won second which was the prize I was hoping for. $100 Savings Bond. First place was a family pass to the water park in Monona which I never go to, so it was nice to get the money.

Click for a tour of our day

2010-12-04T21:03:00.001-06:00

Gingerbread church (front), originally uploaded by Shannon Marye.

Words, Lights, Snowy Nights

2010-12-04T20:12:00.003-06:00

Link has a huge vocabulary now. I can't even begin to write all the words he knows. I'll try to name a few now: shoe, sock, hat, up, play (+ sign), eat (+ sign), drink (+ sign), yogurt, apple, banana, orange, yellow, red, green, toast, hot (+ sign), done (+ sign), please, thank you (+ sign), again (+ sign), nose, eye, teeth, ear, etc. He also know the animal sounds for elephant, monkey, dog, alligator, cat, horse, cow, pig, lion, bird. He amazes us daily with all the words he is learning.

Today was the first big snow. Not sure how much, but I (plus Bryce) took a job shoveling the church sidewalks and it took us 7 hours total. Two last night after about 3-4 inches, 3 this morning with another 2-3 inches, and then in the mid afternoon we got a call to go and clear the 1 inch that accumulated after we were done in the morning. The guy who has put himself in charge of church maintenance is a pain in the ass, but so far he has been good for us because he doesn't want to be doing the work himself. If he calls us all hours of the day though, I don't know how long we will last.

My mom and I brought Link up to Monona tonight for an evening holiday parade. It was nothing like the ones I use to go to in Minneapolis, but it was nice. There were floats with the Grinch, Snoopy, and lots of lights. Our mom's group got together. We also went to visit the gingerbread house display. I made another one this year. A church. I think I will probably get second. There were some really good ones. This barn was absolutely amazing. If they don't get first I will be surprised.

Perfectionism

2010-11-30T21:40:00.000-06:00

I'm having one of those days where I am realizing that everything I do someone does better than me. Maybe I am just learning to be a perfectionist. I have not been satisfied with any of my portraits lately nor confident in my photography skills. In fact I feel like the earlier stuff I did, when I knew less, was better. I also feel really limited in my design work. I feel like I am so far removed from what I first learned that I need to go back to school, but I also feel like I will be needing to go back about every 5 years for the careers I have chosen and the advancement that takes place within them. Bah humbug, I was to crawl under a rug. There is no place for me.

Happiness Project Month 2

2010-11-29T17:42:00.000-06:00

This month's happiness project was focused on marriage.
I chose to go to bed at the same time as Bryce which happened maybe half the time. The other half of the time I just couldn't stay up as long. It was great to have a warm body to cuddle up to and we got to talk a little bit but not much with Link sleeping in the same room.
I also chose to do nice things for him like give him little treats and signs of affection. Neck rubs, notes, texts, chocolate, etc. He didn't really notice many of them, but I tried as hard as I could.
I also chose to spend the month letting things go. Not complain when I saw his clothes on the bathroom floor or see him not give Link a nap because he didn't want to deal with him crying. I think I succeeded about half the time. I'm going to keep working on this next month too.
We also decided to have a date night. We went out to dinner while Trish and Richard and Sam watched Lincoln. He was great for them and they can't wait to do it again, which was encouraging. We had an ok time. We go into it late because I had bell choir practice and Bryce went to get his hair cut. Then the weather was bad, the gps couldn't fidn the restaurant, etc, but we appreciated our time together. Conversation was a little slow. When you are alone together most of the day there are less people to talk about, no work to complain about, etc. But we are just getting started and maybe we will be able to keep doing it and have more to talk about later.

Diva Cup

2010-11-28T17:28:00.000-06:00

When I first got my period my mom showed me how to use a tampon and I walked bent over half the day because it hurt so bad. I didn't even change it until I got home. Toxic Shock anyone. After that I was always pads, even if it meant s0me very visible accidents. When I got into college I learned about diva cups so I bought one. Having no experience with tampons and not being sexually active I could barely get it in and that hurt so I put it to the side and bought some cloth pads from luna pad instead. After college I went on birth control to try to get a regular cycle. That was a big mistake. It made me regular for about two months and then totally turned my cycle off. I went off the pill and didn't menstruate for years so I didn't have to use anything. I started up again with the help of drugs when we were try to conceive and then have a had a few light cycles this year but yesterday and today have been horrible. I have used up every pad I have, plus all Link's diaper inserts (basically the same thing). So I decided to pull out the old diva cup and after having a baby I can say it went in much easier and I am not doubled over in pain. it is made out of rubber so it bends with you and I can hardly feel it. You pull it out and rinse it when you go to the restroom and reuse it. I really like it. I do notice it when I am stepping over something big or something like that , but otherwise it is great. I am glad I held on to it. There is a large size for women that have had babies, but I think this one is perfect for me right now.

New Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T17:22:00.003-06:00

This year my family spent Thanksgiving with many new people. My cousin Monet brought her boyfriend, Mac, along. My cousin Sierra's also brought her boyfriend, Zach. Both boys were way sweet. Tyler's old roommate came with his girlfriend and she was super nice and had two adorable kids (divorced). Lee and Randy made it and they brought a friend of their along too. So I made like 4 new facebook friends this holiday season. ;)
Bryce made his mom's mashed potato recipe after finding out that once again we would only be having cheesy potatoes and not mashed. I practiced with my photography lights. We played Beatles rock band and ended up playing Pictionary and Apples to Apples until 1 in the morning.

Now that's what we call Thanksgiving.

Juno Baby and Paperback Swap

2010-11-23T18:13:00.003-06:00

Some of you may know that I review products for companies as a side job. One of the latest freebies we got was a kids video called Juno Baby: Rhythm. While my review was not 100% positive, the characters faces are below the middle of the screen and the cat says he doesn't run because "it calls for far too much energy", Link LOVES it. He brings us the case, he points at the tv, he claps along. At least it is maybe a 7 out of 10 rather than a 5 or lower. Bryce and I, however, are going crazy singing lyrics in our head over and over like "Floating on a milk shake" and "Cheeseburger or pizza, something to munch." I wasn't planning on having Link watch much tv but it is super helpful when we want him to stay in one spot for a little while. We are also watching youtube Sesame Street clips. My favorite are Will.i.am and Jason Mraz.

Something I am loving 100% is paperbackswap.com. The website basically trades books one for one. I thought I wouldn't be that into it because my books would sit on the shelf a long time and there wouldn't be books that I like, but in actuality I have replaced about 13 books already and it is so much fun. It is better than Amazon because you don't have to think about a price to sell your stuff at or finding the lowest prices for books you want. It's a simple swap for swap. I am thinking about doing it for dvds and cds too, but I don't really want to have a lot more.

Yeah, Yeah, Lincoln and Saving Money, Anything Else?

2010-11-15T22:39:00.003-06:00

Nope.

I know that is about all I write about recently, but it is the majority of my life currently so there we be.

I don't think I ever really said that Link was walking. It was so gradual there really wasn't a day like with crawling. But he is a walker and his new favorite things are "Ring around the Rosie" and having Bryce and I swing him while walking. Language is developing into knowing words for different drinks (juice, milk, and water) and for different foods (yogurt).

Sunday I was planning on going shopping by myself but it didn't happen. Bryce wanted a personal day today so I decided to give it a try with the little monster again. He didn't do so well the last time we went so I was somewhat dreading it, but hoping it would be different. It wasn't. We didn't even make it to Dubuque. We made it to Dyersville and to only one store, Pamida. I never shop at Pamida but I had a coupon from entering the cute baby contest to this particular Pamida so I thought I would stop.

Starting with the bad, Link. He was just as bad as last time. Not wanting to sit, walk, be carried, anything. He also had a hell of the time in the grocery isle. He signed "eat" and screamed that I was not giving him pretzels, cereal, laundry detergent. I thought I would be prepared for this moment by whipping out a bag of cereal I brought along, but he would have nothing to do with it. Even pretending to open the Cheerio box and giving him the Cheerios I brought was not good enough. So meltdowns ensued and that was the first and last shop I went to. (Also note he had just woken up from a 3 hour nap, was fresh and clean, and had eaten a hearty lunch.)

The good. Much to my surprise Pamida had a banner outside the shop saying "Triple Coupon Day." I asked the clerk what that meant. She said they would triple any coupon I had that was $1 off or less. YIPPEE! I ran to the car and got my trapper (yes, I have begun a file system of my coupons) and went to town. The majority of my coupons don't get used because they are $.25 to $1 off a name brand when the generic is sitting right there beside it already $1.50 less. But $3 off was awesome. I used almost every coupon I had. In the end my total bill was $96. My actual purchase price was $52. Being that it was the last day for the event I was not about to leave, despite a screaming child. The winning item was a box of cat litter that Link was able to say "Meow" to continually until we were finally finished. This is probably my biggest saving yet during my first year of using coupons. If I ever see a triple coupon event again I am there in a heartbeat.

Uncle John

2010-11-14T23:01:00.003-06:00

My grandmother's brother, John Thyne, passed away today. He and his wife were a big part of our lives growing up as they were not able to have any children. They lived in Kansas City but came up regularly to Iowa every holiday until about six years ago. This year has been a year of hospitals and nursing homes and then back home again for both of them. This last month John had been feeling great to the point the hospital took him out of Hospice and off oxygen and sent him home to be happy and up and about.

We visited him this year when we were in Missouri.

Toys are us

2010-11-14T13:20:00.002-06:00

Link is always so happy playing with the most regular things, but for some reason once he finds interest in something I feel the need to get the same thing in toy form rather than let him play with the original, which is what he wants to do anyway. Sure a toy stove is one thing but why do I feel the need to get him stacking cups when he is doing the same thing with measuring cups that I don't use anymore? Why do I feel the need to get him magnets when he is having a blast with a Pizza Luce and Chino Latino complimentary magnet? He certainly has more toys than I had envisioned him having. Even Naomi thinks so. :)

What I didn't know then

2010-11-08T13:14:00.002-06:00

This weekend we hung out with Naomi and Casey, who we haven't seen for nearly a year since they moved to Cedar Rapids. We had a lot of fun and Casey taught Link how to "pound it."
We played video games at the movie theater and had dinner with them at their parents house. Naomi's mom bought Link a Sing a ma jing which is weird but oddly addicting.
All in all it was a blast and I hope we do more.

One odd thing was Naomi talking about her new job and quitting daycare. Off the cuff she mentioned how some toddlers she was caring for were still nursing which grossed her out. I didn't say anything, it didn't bother me, but I felt bad because I thought she might not be comfortable nursing her own kid one day if it grosses her out. Then I realized something else. Before I had Link, even just one year before, I thought people who slept with their kids might crush them. I thought that kids who were worn in a sling or held would have trouble learning to walk. I thought cloth diapers made kids butts look too big and were probably gross to deal with. I thought that people who had babies at home were taking a very big risk. AND I thought that people nursing toddlers were weird. Becoming a parent changes a lot of things.

Bubbles

2010-11-07T20:37:00.002-06:00

The title has nothing to do with the post. It's just the first word I thought of.

Lately Link seems to be making leaps and bounds, BACKWARDS. His "uh-oh" has become "uh." He signs "tired" by rubbing his ear, "book" looks like how a baseball player turns his fist in a glove. "Hot" and "Ding" have replaced almost all the words in his vocabulary. Ahhh.

I'm on month two of the happiness project.
Things that have continued from month 1 include getting one box from the attic each week and going through it. The attic is becoming more and more spacious. The living room is not. ;)
I stopped running because I only really liked doing it with Link in the stroller and now he is not enjoying the cold wind. However, volleyball starts next week. But it is only once a week so I need two more activities a week to do.
I am trying to keep my 11 pm bedtime, however a goal this month is to go to bed at the same time as Bryce so sometimes it is later. He is doing good about not making it too late.
While energy was the first months goal, Bryce is the second. We are going to have a date night this month. I am also taking into account tasks at home and doing the things that are bothering me rather than asking for them to get done. Biting my tongue when things don't need to be said want to be said and making sure I communicate what does need to be said. I think it is true of most of us that we treat the people we love with the least respect. Probably because we know they are the most forgiving. But who wants to grow old like that.

I recently have gotten really into paperbackswap.com Already I have traded six books we aren't reading or have duplicates of for books we want. Bye bye "The Good Earth." Hello "Is your Mama a Llama?" They have dvds and cds too but I haven't gotten that far yet. I am assuming I may get held up with wanting books that people just don't have or there is too many on the wishlist for.
I am also still doing Thredup.com with baby clothes (thanks Blogger Jen for the suggestion). Link was blessed with loads of 3-6 month clothing but, probably like most new parents find, it dwindles as they get older. We are trying to swap for more 12-18 month clothes. We already got one box of 12-18 month clothing and it was awesome. It had a lot of warm two piece outfits so I am sure I will have pictures this winter. The smaller sizes are a little bit harder to get out because there are so many people with these size boxes. You don't get to pick another box until your stuff goes so if you know a little boy 3-6 months my box numbers are #19666 and #19660.

I love doing month challenges. We did awesome with the pantry challenge. Never really got down to the very bottom. However, what we have a lot of and are not using became more apparent. One thing we have loads of are beans. So this month I challenged Bryce to make a meal with beans each month. If you have any good recipes we would love to hear them. Beans don't have to be the main ingredient, but they have to be included.

Halloween

2010-11-02T14:59:00.005-05:00

Mount Rushmore, originally uploaded by Shannon Marye.

I've decided to claim Halloween as my holiday. Taking the pressure off of making stellar Christmases and all the other.
Our family traditions since Link has been born include:
Watching the Great Pumpkin (on Hulu)
Dressing up in themed costumes. This year we went as Mount Rushmore.
Going to Pedretti's for a Halloween treat.
Going to a baby Halloween Party in Decorah.
Having an adult party with Dani and Todd.
We even worked in one game at the Library Halloween Party in Elkader this year. Duck Pond. Link picked out a blue heart bracelet for a prize.
Someday we will work on actually going trick or treating.

Play and Puke

2010-10-29T17:09:00.003-05:00

My brother Dustin and his wife Vahida have been in Vegas all week. My mom had volunteered to baby sit months ago and then things came up that all landed on this week for her. So I stepped in. It was super fun to see Diana and Link getting along so well. Diana is very talkative and can say several things. She loves picking up the phone and saying "Hi. Ok. Tonight? Ok. Ok. What'd you say?" Lincoln picked up lots of words from her including his favorite, uh-oh. I wasn't crazy for some of the scoldings she gave Link, shaking her finger and saying "No!" but I totally understand. That and her not wanting to eat anything were the only negatives. I finally got her to eat when I brought over one of my once a month cooking casseroles which she gobbled up. The positives far outweigh any complaints. She is a cuddler. She can very well entertain herself. She sits still for diaper changes and tells me when she needs one. She lays right down for a nap and goes to sleep.

I think she may have brought Link a little bug though. Vahida said she was having some stomach problems and this morning when I woke up, Link had vomited all over the crib. I had been sleeping in the same room as him, heard him hiccup, heard him give what I thought was either a very juicy burp or vomit. He didn't cry so I thought burp and didn't check. I felt like a complete parent failure the next morning when his hair was sticking to the pillow. I thought it might have been an allergic reaction to strawberries, which are high on the list for babies and what my mom had feed him the day before, but as the day progressed and he threw up a few more times, he also developed a slight fever. He is resting now. His body is so good at sleeping when he is a sick little on. The last time he had the flu was his first Christmas. That was disappointing as everyone wanted to meet him and he was sleeping most of the holiday away. Now he is sick on his second Halloween. This holiday is the worse to be sick on. All the money and preparation for the holiday goes out the window if you are not present. There are no left overs and gifts to open at a latter date. It is here and now. That being said, I am not going to force him to get in costume and go trick or treating, but I am also not telling anyone at the baby Halloween Party on Sunday that he is sick. If he gets better before then, I don't want to freak out anyone that is there. Plus, aren't viruses spread in the first few days anyway?

Christmas was in Kentucky last year and we were planning on going again this year, but were still on the fence. We for sure are not going now. Even though I will miss seeing everyone, we did make our way to every immediate family member this summer.

Catholicism

2010-10-27T00:24:00.000-05:00

There is a book on our shelf that keeps staring at me which really bothers me. It is called something like "How to be a practicing Catholic without truly believing" or something along those lines. I think a lot of people might be offended by this, but I know so many people that are like this it irks me. The funniest this is I am the complete opposite of this title "How to not practice being a Catholic while truly believing." The word believing I am taking as not meaning believing in Christ, but believing in the Eucharist. From my experience I am one of the few people, including Catholics I know, that believes that Eucharist transfigures.
So why am I not sitting in the front pew daily waiting for my taste of Jesus. For several reasons. The first being that even though I think it is utterly amazing that Christ comes to us every day all over the world in flesh and blood, I don't think it is necessary to take as much as it is to give. And to give is to practice showing love to all of God's creation. Also, it makes those times when you do get to partake in true communion even that more special.
Second, Catholicism in general makes me frustrated and therefore I find myself less loving and more enraged.
Why does Catholicism frustrate me:
1. I have only met one person whose Catholic faith has impressed me. That would be my conformation sponsor, Jackie Jessen. Mother Teresa also is very impressive, but we never met.
2. I have met to many Catholics who ramble through prayers before meals, attend church without listening to a single word the priest says no what is coming out of their own mouths during group readings, and way too many who use the word "counts" when attending church, such as "the wedding last night had communion so that counts." Excuse me but what are you counting? and for what?
3. When your religion becomes a club and you would hardly have a relationship with the Creator without it, there is something wrong with your faith.
4. I think Christians should be Christ like and Catholics throughout history and today ignore this key element. In my opinion Christ would have never conquered land and tortured, he would have never set up a system with rules (his one rule was love), he would have never listened to a Pope, he would have never built lavish churches, the list continues. In Catholics defense there are a lot of monks and nuns who live closer to this way of life than a lot of Protestants, especially those who think God wants them to be rich.
5. I have never felt authentically welcomed in a Catholic church, ever. I have always felt judged on how well I did this or that. I have never been greeted lovingly or asked to join in community following the service. I have never been included the way other churches have instantly done.

Stepping off my soap box there are a few things that make me not reject my Catholic faith and completely assume Protestantism.
1. Of course the Eucharist.
2. The core call to Social Justice in the Catholic faith was one I was not aware of until I was in college. I just wish I saw more people doing this.
3. I don't feel confession is necessary, but I feel it is a great outlet for those in need of someone to listen to what is on their chest.

If there is one thing I would change in the Catholic church to see it continue instead of die, like it is in our area where one priest is serving all of Clayton County, it would be:
Encourage the priests to take a 7 year at a time vow of chastity. This way they would be "emulating Christ" in their sexuality, but are not making a lifelong commitment. They could renew it each 7 years without having divorce themselves from the church. And let the Sisters be Priests too.

Life with Alex

2010-10-24T22:08:00.000-05:00

So Alex has been here a month now and we have had our ups and downs. The first Saturday when Alex no longer had play practice he came down to "hang out," which involved telling us it was to early for Halloween decorations (first Sat in October) and then telling us every item we had in our candy cauldron. Fortunately Bryce let him know that he is renting a room and not the house and we would like him to stay in his room. I slightly feel like I am keeping him prisoner in the room, but it is also a big room and he hardly uses all of it, so I shant worry much.
He still like to have small talk of at least a sentence or two when leaving and returning and will look to see if anyone is home if he is not greeted with this. If we are mid conversation when he comes in he immediately thinks we are talking to him. If you can't tell from these stories, he is a little socially awkward.
I can't complain too much though. He doesn't play loud music or have people over. He doesn't smoke and even sexual innuendos in the play he was in made him uncomfortable so we don't have to worry about things like this. I could complain about his alarm clock that goes off at 7:30 and continually until he gets up (today was 1:30pm) and his heavy steps which has woken up Link a few times, but he has put up with Link's crying and hollering in the middle of the night and morning and night. Only once did he come downstairs and say something when Link was having a particularly bad day.
For the most part Alex has handled living with a baby well for not knowing the first thing about them. I may share some funny baby/Alex stories at a later date.

Laughing Fits

2010-10-23T22:01:00.000-05:00

We are sharing a room with Link and it has been very fun to watch him in his bed at night from our bed. He has little fits when it is time to go to bed, but during those fits he starts laughing. Either his voice shakes which he finds funny so he will continue to cry but stop every time there is a quiver or he realize how fun it actually is to throw his head down into the bed and do it repeatedly laughing and crying.

For those of you who do not realize how easy it is to share a room with Link let me explain, we have a HUGE bedroom. This thing holds our king bed, Link's full bed, three dressers, a vanity, a diaper changing table, rocking chair, clothes hamper and we even brought his alphabet mat up to set in the middle of the room so he can play with his toys in the morning. So sharing a room is basically like sharing an apartment without any walls.

Lincoln Loud

2010-10-22T19:58:00.002-05:00

Link loves being loud. I finally realized several things about his personality that all relate to this one key thing. For example, I noticed he kept sticking his finger in a whole in a necklace where it was kind of stuck, but not really. Then he kept getting his legs stuck in a crack in the furniture, but not really. All this was to yell like he was stuck. His excuse to be loud.
Then I realized he favors the Mo Willems' Pigeon books. I was unsure why these were a favorite then I realized there is one page he turns to in each book. A peach page in which the Pigeon screams. "Let me drive the bus!" or "I'm not tired!" Another excuse to be loud. It is fun to see that he can barely say any words, but he already has pages in a book memorized. Including the page that says "Bye" and "Hey." He even knows what pages they are said on.
Link also loves to be tickled and regularly asks for it. He loves to tickle us to. Today he surprised me and I laughed high pitch. He loved hearing this and tried to tickle me all day so he could laugh loud and high pitch with me.

Unscheduling the Unschedules

2010-10-21T21:57:00.002-05:00

My family does not live by the clock. We get up, in the morning. We go to bed, at night. But so many things are changing it feels like we are becoming unscheduled. Link can't decided if he wants a nap before lunch or after lunch, nor when to go to bed. The cold weather is damaging my jogging streak be it daily, every other day, or whatever. Bah.
It is getting better though.

Is it only Tuesday

2010-10-19T22:22:00.003-05:00

This week our easy going, world's best sleeper, little boy did a 180. Tantrums. No sleep during the day or night. I was fearing the wost, which would be that I am just such a crappy parent that it is now coming back at me. Drool today confirmed it is teething. He is getting in his canines which is heard to chew with since the other teeth surrounding are up. After tearing me up during nursing I finally found a good replacement, the top of a medical dropper. It may look funny but it slides right down between the teeth and is big enough for gnawing on.
Another side effect of teething which Link has never experienced is loose stool. So explosive and stinky and creating some major rash. No wonder each dump brings tears.
Naps are being skipped. Today I finally got him down by reverting to my old standard, nursing to sleep. So hard to go back when it use to take 5 min and now goes back to 40 min. If you just leave him he flips over and kicks like a bucking branco while screaming until someone comes and gets him. And judge me if you will, but we left his to this behavior for two hours and he never tired of it. And this was after rubbing his eyes and yawning for a long time so yes he was tired. His sleeping through the night has been ending at 3 -4 am. So we have been putting to bed really late now which lessens it just a little bit. Let's get those teeth in soon.
On the bright side he is starting to take steps every day and he is showing an awesome respect when we say no. Stopping immediately no matter what.

Some Good

2010-10-17T17:05:00.002-05:00

It's been a hard week with Lincoln. Refusing to lay down at naps despite obvious shows of tiredness. Waking up in the middle of the night to scream for an hour or two. BUT, in other news. He took his first two steps today. I wish it was to me, but instead it was to Burt addressing the viewer (camera) within the first few minutes of Mary Poppins.

Wisconsin Artists I Adore

2010-10-16T20:34:00.005-05:00

Beth Bird

I bought a Jamie Heiden
Jamie Heiden

Carmen Haase

Check out her images.
Karen Reppen

Featured in "Cloth Paper Scissors" for her Earth Dolls
Sharon Stauffer

August/September photos are up on Flickr

2010-10-15T20:13:00.003-05:00

Good shot, originally uploaded by Shannon Marye.

5 year anniversary

2010-10-13T20:39:00.003-05:00

Well, as I already said, the first few hours of our anniversary was me trying to battle PMDD and failing miserably. However at around noon things turned around. We got moving. We took Link to my parents house where he would be staying the night for the first time without us. We had thought about going on a big trip but we decided over 20 states in a year had already been a big trip so we went to a favorite town of ours, Cedar Falls and did things we always thought of doing but never got around to. We stayed at the Black Hawk Hotel. Ate at Galleria de Paco, where the Sistine Chapel is replicated entirely in spray paint. We took in a show at the Oster Regent Theater. They were showing Sleepy Hollow. Then we went bar hopping our style. We had Martinis at the Stuffed Olive, Specialty Drinks at Montage and Cocktails at Lava Lounge. I was really hoping on going dancing, but the club I had been to only once before (and really liked) had been turned into a live band facility with hard rock music. So we went back to the hotel. We planned on having one of the remaining bottles of wine from our wedding, but felt like we had enough by this point. As is tradition we shared our apple pie dessert at Galleria de Paco in turnover form. We also got a flower bouquet from the same florist who did our wedding. When she was putting it together she hinted "I seem to remember a wedding around this time of year that had these same type of flowers." She was surprised to learn it was today. I would like to review all these places on Adventures with Lincoln, but am slightly overwhelmed with the task right now.
In the morning we ate a Java John's which is much cooler inside then I had ever imagined. We went to Goodwill and bought more items for our Halloween costumes and to Menards where we bought some wood shelves. This was what we considered our traditional wood gift to one another. This was another thing that we decided to skip this year. Bryce was going to get me a kindle but I told him not to right before he hit order. I think they are cool, but I really like listening to audio books more. I think an ipad would be cooler, but I am definitely not getting one without a usb port. I had a computer without a cd drive once and I hated the thing. If it can't easily transfer and save it is not ready for the public.
When we got back on Saturday we were really excited to see Lincoln. Bryce went to work. Link and I went to Brandi and Dale's wedding in Monona. I loved their bouquets which were all feathers. I got to talk just briefly to my friends from mom's group then I had to fly to drop off Link and meet Dani for karaoke. Busy day.
The next day we went to Heritage Days in Osborne. The weather was beautiful. Link and I entered pumpkins again. He got third place in kids, which I was really proud of. My awesome butterfly pumpkin got nothing. Seriously, I feel like I am passed over every time. The judges just don't go for my classy style of carving. Instead they pick a witch with a corn cob nose that has been hacked into place. I know it is silly to rant about, but I am a competitive person.
I have pictures of the weekend and my gorgeous pumpkin but we can't find the card reader so they are patiently waiting in the camera.

PMDD

2010-10-11T21:29:00.002-05:00

When I was a teenager I had severe depression. A lot of teens do. Overtime I thought I got a handle on it. A year after Link was born I thought I was starting to have Postpartum Depression. However, it came and went, came and went. I thought maybe I had some weird kind of Bipolar Disorder where you get severely depressed without having the extreme highs.
I just recently noticed that this coming and going is just once a month. Premenstrual time.
There is just something about my hormones that can't let my brain function normally for a 1-2 days each month. Fortunately I know that it passes. So that urge to end it all or become an escape artist and high tale it out of here goes away. Unfortunately my beautiful family has to deal with it 12 times a year. Bryce and I started our 5th anniversary with me in the throws of it.
I did some research to see if there is a type of depression linked with menstruation and there is. It is called PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). It is not PMS, way too severe for that.
For about 3 years before I was pregnant I wasn't having a cycle at all and I never had a single depressed thought. I really wanted to menstruate and reclaim my fertility, but now that it is back I remember why I hated it sooo much.
Of course I am self-diagnosing myself and not going to a doctor for it. I really don't want to have to rely on drugs for anything, especially when the side effects of these drugs are sometimes suicide. Weird. Instead we are working out ways for my family to deal with it while I hide in the bedroom or closet all day and cry. I am fortunate to have such a loving husband who understands this. He made the bed (which never gets done) during my last episode and just that little unasked for task made a world of difference.
When I was a teenager I had a horrible relationship with my mother and I am sure this had something to do with it. She is very much a "tough it out" kind of person and she couldn't understand this behavior in me at all. I am this way with other illnesses, but I have a soft place for suffers of depression. I understand how much you do not want to feel this way, but the harder you try the worse it gets.
Part of this "tough it out" behavior is also what keeps me away from a doctor. That and the fact that a lot of applications I have filled out in my life (Peace Corps, Surrogacy, etc) have asked the questions "Have you ever been treated for depression?" with the follow up "If so you are disqualified."
So now that the breast feeding is less and the cycle is back, you may see me missing for a week each month or see a hate-filled rant that need not be paid much attention to. It's just the PMDD talking.