Sunday, June 14, 2015

Getting rid of it

My mind is leaving me and I feel like even if I would quit everything I would still feel overwhelmed.  
In order to help with this I have been trying to purge as much as possible.  Cleaning out the shed and bins in our house.  I did an "It's all free sale" and was glad to see almost everything go.

 A few months ago Bryce and I tried to make some hard decisions in our life.  One's I'm constantly going back and forth on.  One of those was staying in Elkader or moving to Decorah.  

Here's  our reasoning

1.  Elkader is closer to family and friends we already have, even if they don't live in town
2.  A stronger art community is developing in Elkader 
3.  More guys like Bryce are coming out of the woodwork. He's finding friends.
4.  Community theater in Decorah doesn't compare to the opera house in Elkader

1.  We have several friends with kids Links age who are homeschooling and would like to be in the network 
2.  They have a strong art community already and ArtHaus
3.  Pleasant valley and the events that we want to be a part of are there
4.  If we wanted to go live somewhere else for a year, we would have no problem finding renters

We decided to do the following
Stay in Elkader, move to a bigger house and make our house into an Art Haus.

So we started going on this path but it feels like the world is telling us wrong choice.

We found the perfect house and nothing has compared but it needs a TON of work and the bank (forclosure) won't go down on the price, even after being on the market for three years and no other potential buyers.  The bank won't give us a loan with Bryce's credit debt, so my mom was going to help, but they seriously won't budge an inch.  So no house, no art center.

That great art community that I saw growing is getting together to put on art in the park.  Then one of the board members started putting a lot of negative energy toward me to the point I quit.  The others freaked out so I decided I will still do marketing on the side, but I am not attending meetings anymore. They still include me in all e-mails and I find myself starting to get upset at some of the silly things, but then I remember I'm no longer connected and it eases my stomach.  But that community is fizzling.

I've also quit the Opera House Players.  This one still brings tears to my eyes, but after several years of playing itty bitty roles I was hoping for something that I could sing and act a little more on.  I auditioned for Shrek recently and I didn't get any of the three minor characters I "auditioned" for.  What makes me hot is that they all went to brand new girls.  The OHP has no problem taking chances on new people, they do have a problem however giving me a role I would like.  I often get the tiny remains.  Last year I slipped into a larger tiny role, but was originally only given the maid, pretty humiliating, and was the only person left out of a dance number I clearly could have been in.  This year lots of things seemed to be in my favor, a good last show, characters that didn't need to be skinny, proven dedication.  The fact that I didn't get anything has made me realize it truly is never going to happen, so I'm done.  The hardest part for me is that no one is even going to notice.  I've been fooling myself for years.  I caught myself thinking, if they need me someday they will give me a call (which they sometimes do when they don't have the right people), but then started laughing.  If they ever really needed me they would have given me a part.  I'm just not cut out for this stage.

So, here we are again.  Back at wondering if Elkader is the right decision.  I'm a little concerned with the housing market in Decorah.  It moves very quick and it is expensive.  I'm also uncertain about work, being that I am not near a stopping point yet with the extension, but do want to be home with my boys.  Friends also get me.  15 min to strawberry turns into 1 hour 15.  Naomi and Casey just moved back.  Nao and I have been having lunch together and we get each other so well.  I was a little worried we would start off awkward, but it was like the old saying.  We've also been hanging out with Sophia landis more, but she has decided to go back to school and is leaving next month.

Oh why does the world not revolve around me?