In what ways has your relationship to children and babies changed? What places or landscapes are you consciously and unconsciously taking your baby in utero? Why?
My relationship to children has changed that when I see a baby I am more drawn to it, although I do not see many. Teenagers seem younger to me than ever before. I am taking my baby to holiday parties and activities, but we mostly like to stay home and grow. In my mind we are already in school, already being born. Why? Because those are the areas where I still haven't prepared myself. How do I want to deliver this child? How do I want to teach this child? These questions I have not made up my mind about and fear I will not be able to before the moment comes. Plus I am worried that the wrong mistake in this area could lead to problems for another life other than my own that I am truley responsible for.
I want to deliver a natural birth in the comfort of my own home, with my husband leading the way, but I am afraid we are too far from a hospital that delivers in case I need help. But I do not want to go to a hospital and have them give me a cesarian because it is easier and I am overweight. Never before has my weight bothered me in this way and now I am not in the right condition to lose it.
As with education, I want my child to have a great education that encourages, such as a montessori or waldorf, but there are not schools close by. I want to homeschool, but I do not want my child to resent the lost social interactions. Also, what will my child think seeing the children walk by daily as we live next door to the public school.
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